Who is the new lady?

     My kids been the light at the end of the LONG, dark tunnel that is cancer. I feel so sad that they have had to see me go through all of the ups and downs of this disease. They have been impacted in many ways I feel some are positive but many are not. My 16 year old daughter has missed more than her share of school days for surgeries and support through this journey. My 9 year old has seen me cry, lose my hair and my breasts, which no 9 year old should have to see. My baby boy had to be weaned in 3 days prior to the mastectomy. I have worn 6 wigs now and I know he has to wonder which one of us is going to show up each morning. I feel like I haven't been the SUPERMOM that I was with my other two when they were small. I have been just trying to SURVIVE:)
  This isn't a sad, down in the dumps update. This is, however, a wake up call to all those who are supporting someone fighting cancer as well as the person fighting...cancer affects and impacts your ENTIRE family. Good and bad, it changes things. Maybe that is what happened in my recent relationship...I can't say. It is stressful and HARD. It can be dealt with with courage, dignity and grace and I feel like I have done that. I know the bald images of me with no eyebrows or lashes are hard to take for my family and loved ones as well as my self to see. I chose to show them for many reasons, one to show others that cancer isn't just for old people it affects young healthy moms. I also wanted to inspire others to fight this disease and WIN. Lastly I wanted others to see that MY GOD is still alive and working, healing, changing outcomes for us today.....not just in the old testament, BUT TODAY! Despite our circumstance or situation, he has a plan, one of which, I would like him to share with ME sooner than later:) Praise you God, to you be all the glory.
   Anyway, my kids are my life and will always be no matter what else changes. I was born to be a mother and for that I am so proud, being a mom is the greatest accomplishment of my life. On that note, I am going to take my little shorty to a meet and greet visit at a daycare tomorrow morning. It will be the first time he has stayed with someone besides family and I am a little nervous. Please pray that this is a perfect fit and so I will be able to go to work without worry. Dakota misses his school in KC but loves being back in town with family. Sierra loves mommy doing her laundry and making her dinner but she doesn't like the supervision or the INVOLVEMENT in her life that much. That is okay though, that is what a MOMMY is supposed to do.
    This week I have an appointment everyday but Friday and two days I have 2 and 3 appointments each. I am coming to KC Tuesday for my last fill. Last week I only got 50 because I knew I was moving and was afraid I couldn't get things done. I am up to 475 ccs now and Tuesday I will get another 100 to put me at 575. I want to exchange to 600 or 650 so, we have to keep pumping these things up. Right now they are almost to my collar bones..UGH! Hate that, they won't be like that after exchange but for swimsuit season it is a little weird. I did try on some of my old suits and although I can see my scar under my armpit on the left side, I should be able to still wear them. If I lose the last few pounds chemo packed on that is! I was worried about the top of my swim suit...I think it is the bottom half I should be concentrating on:)  It has been so hard and I haven't been over eating at all, in fact I have been as of late eating very little but the chemopause and the ROIDS have me REALLY jacked up. I start back on my elliptical tomorrow after I get it in from the garage. I will be starting radiation within the next two weeks also, so please....say a little prayer for me.