God is BIGGER than cancer. I have throughout this journey REFUSED to ever capitalize the word cancer, I could barely say the word cancer after diagnosis but one thing I do know is GOD is BIGGER than cancer. It has no power over me, losing this battle isn't an option!!! Praise GOD!!! I am sooo happy to be back in the house of GOD today with my friends and family from First Assembly, I was eager to hear the new pastor preach but instead there was a guest speaker. I was a little disappointed when I read it in the bulletin, but as he began to speak I knew I was right where I was supposed to be and he was there with those words for me. "He was there JUST for me", I said in the truck on the way home, but quickly was reprimanded by my daughter.....that word was for her....I don't really think so, but maybe GOD does think that EVERYONE is special and not just me. WINK!
The message was on anxiety and although I feel like I have beat the anxiety trap I was in many years ago, cancer has a tendency to breed fear and dread thus anxiety. When I was going though chemo I was very physically weak so I spent a lot of time with God in his word and praying, I NEEDED that and still do. The only problem is as I got stronger physically, I began to resume many of my activities and duties leaving less time for GOD and his word to be spoken in my life, NOT COOL. As I said before, please don't think this is some kind of how to blog, in fact it is more of a what not to do blog, the pitfalls of this or that and that is fine. If my failures and shortcomings save someone else from wandering around the wilderness for 40 years I will be thankful!!!! Praise God!!!
Back to me and my anxiety, fears, dread....I have a new oncologist and he is a christian, VERY thankful, but he is also very through and he does do "post treatment" scans. UGH! I was afraid of that. Many oncologist and insurance companies believe that scans done at this staging are unnecessary and only cause ANXIETY for the patient. If symptom free they don't do scans...very acceptable. BUT not my new doc, he waants a pet and bone scan after rads to have a "baseline". It immediately invoked FEAR, ANXIETY, and DREAD! But GOD says be anxious for NOTHING!
Now, I know that when I was at my lowest of low and had sores in my mouth from chemo so bad I couldn't talk, eat or drink.....UGH!!!.....tears.....I cried out to GOD and he said "FIX your eyes on me, don't look at the physical symptoms, the TV, the Internet, all the statistics". I obeyed and those feelings left. I know MY GOD has healed me and I know that it is his will for me to walk in divine health until he splits the heavens open to take me home BUT....saying BUT is like undoing everything you said before the word BUT....WHAT a REVELATION!!!! So, GOD has healed me and that is the end of this story. I will submit to the scans and I won't like it. The devil will try to get me to entertain the thought that there maybe something on those scans but I refuse to accept that. I refuse to accept anything less than what He has in store for me. He said I was healed, saved and forgiven at the Cross and that is what I KNOW.
One other thing I know is that at stage 2b it is easier to say that you have been healed than stage 4, but the Word doesn't give staging to the dead folks he raised or the leopards he healed. God's word is the same, yesterday, today and FOREVER and by HIS stripes I AM HEALED and all of you stage 4's you can be too. Just fix your eyes on him, don't look left or right, don't look at your physical symptoms. Don't look at the natural, stand on HIS word, HIS promises, GOD doesn't lie. No matter what is giving you anxiety in your life, GOD is bigger than it. Just get in the Word to find the comfort, wisdom, and peace for your problem and you will find it. There is NO problem in this life that we will encounter that isn't found in the Word of GOD. Seek him and you will find peace in place of that anxiety, worry and the "what if's" of this life.
I had the privilege this week to attend an event back in KC with my high school friend Rafael Filion for the American cancer Society at the Midland Theater hosted by KC's favorite weather man Gary Lezak. It was a wonderful event that raised not only LOTS of money for the Hope Lodge in KC, but also awareness. Over 30 people not only made a commitment to help raise funds, but also to allow someone to shave their head. I was amazed at the number of ladies that participated, many with hair down their backs. It is a HUGE sacrifice to lose your hair and I HATED every minute of it going through chemotherapy, so I slipped them all the wig shops number. WINK! No, but I did tell some of them what a huge sacrifice it was to do this, for the men as well I know ( just not like the ladies). Thanks Rafael for including me, it was the kick off to the "I have knocked out cancer" bash I am throwing for the next 50 years!!!!!
Since then, I have spoken to the financial counselor at St. Johns in Springfield about doing an event in Springfield. I would LOVE to be a part of that. AWESOME! Anyway, Springfield does not have a Hope Lodge it only has a hospitality house with limited space. So, an event like this annually could really raise some money to help achieve that goal. St. Johns has been awesome in assisting me with fuel cards to go to treatment each day, gas is sooo high and 50 mile trips one way are very pricey. So, I feel I have been blessed by the generosity of others and hope to only pass that on in some way, hopefully I find that fit when I am done with treatment.
Radiation is going well, I am getting a tan, 20 treatments left and then DONE!!! Well, except for my five year date with Tamox or other hormone binding drug. I am stoked. Please continue to pray for me throughout this last leg, each one seems to have it's own set of issues. I am blessed and favored beyond all of my dreams. I have a wonderful family, beautiful, healthy children and GOD is soooo GOOD:)
