He knows me.

Here we are with less than 24 hours until Team Pink Princess becomes a reality and it is so sereal. I have been going non-stop since I was diagnosed, meeting goal after goal, milestone after milestone. Today my aunt came to my work to pick up some shirts as I walked back in my building I was reminded of her mother, my grandmother who died of cancer of the stomach lining when I was about 10 or 12. I remember grandma getting chemo and her wearing a scarf on her head. I never really knew the battle though or understood. What I do remember is my dad being out of town on a business trip and my grandma had declined or had a surgery or both. I remember going to the hospital with my other set of grandparents and seeing my dad's face after he came from her room. He had tears in his eyes and I don't remember ever seeing my dad cry before that day. My grandma died shortly after. I remember what I wore to her funeral, a turquoise dress and silver shoes. My grandma had never been to the ocean and my dad's trip had taken him to the beach. He placed a ziplock bag with sand in her casket at the funeral. That is my first memory of cancer. Cancer was the scariest word I had ever heard. Cancer equaled death. My grandpa on my moms side would die decades later of pancreatic cancer. It was also another death sentence. Everyone I had known that got cancer died, no one I knew had beat cancer, until me! I was the first one in my family to go to college. I am also the first one in my family to beat cancer! I have accomplished ALOT of firsts in my family and that is not to sing my own praises or toot my own horn. It is to say that I am thankful, I am privileged and favored by God! I love God with all my heart and long to do only His will. He has called me to share all He has done for me. He has given me a testimony to tell many women and this weekend is the begining! He has given me a beautiful, wonderful life starting with my three amazing children and awesome job, great friends and family. Thank you God for Your love and mercy endures forever! We have women arriving in less than 24 hours staggered throughout the day. I am cleaning my house, packing and praying. I know God has brought me to this and now it is finally time to tell my testimony to a few women. Many women are coming......they just don't know it yet. I have been asked to be featured on a program called Courageous Heart. It airs on a Christian television network that reaches over 70% of the world. I am so honored and blessed to be recognized with such an opportunity. This again is an example of favor, surrender, and faith. God told me that I had a testimony to tell many women BEFORE I was diagnosed. He didn't wait until I heard the word cancer to tell me. He told me months before. He knows me. He knows that cancer had taken those I love, He knew I would be scared, fearful and dismayed. He knows me. He knows I would have doubted that voice after the fact and that I needed that affirmation moments after being diagnosed too. He knows me. Thank you Lord that you know every intricate detail of my life and you love me anyway. You are my strong tower.

The ZONE

The month of July has significance due to the fact that it was two years ago this month that I was diagnosed. I am amazed that it has only been two years since that day. It would seem that I have lived two lifetimes since then, in fact I have. Before that day I was a selfish person that didn't always look outside of herself or immediate family for anything. Actually I had a false sense of security and very much lived in a fantasy world. I gave to my church, I helped others when asked, I took care of my own and that was REALLY it. Everything I felt I needed, I had at home in my children and family. I was way too comfortable and frankly just a fan of Jesus Christ, not a follower. That day two years ago in July when I got the dreaded phone call no one wants to get my life changed, turned upside down, shook up and spinning out of control or so I thought. I know that there will be some backlash from other survivors that feel that their life before cancer was superior to now with the effects of treatment, financial impact, family and relationship issues that manifest BUT my life is SO much better now than before cancer. Yes, menopause sucks, the surgeries and foobs suck, the medications and side effects suck! But I am alive! I am thankful and as crazy as it sounds I am thankful for the storm that was cancer. It changed my life! I wasn't really living the width of my life, only the path to the end. I needed to be shook up, I needed to look outside myself, my home, my community, my little world. Cancer was rough, but living the rest of my life comfortable and without that storm would have been a tragedy. I know that God has been growing me up really fast through this experience and the ones that followed. I can feel the call on my life become greater with each step and each obstacle. If I am obedient the first round we move forward, if I am dragging my feet, kicking and screaming we stand still. This is the rythm of my life and walk as a follower of Jesus Christ, all brought to you by cancer. Please don't mistake my candidness as an endorsement of cancer, in fact, I HATE cancer and what it does to the body as well as the spirit of all that it touches. I do know that it doesn't have to, as non compassionate as this sounds it is a choice. The choice occurs from the moment everything comes back into focus and the "I have cancer" fog lifts. Dr.Lehr referred to it as "The Zone". I haven't given him the credit or maybe even told him in much detail how powerful his words were, but now is as good a time as any. Dr.Lehr began treating me immediately after we received the mammogram results without a payor source, I had no insurance at the time. He was young and compassionate, had a wonderful team that included his wife, a nurse and father in law as partner. Anyway, we did the biopsy that confirmed the cancer, we immediately did the lumpectomy and node discetion that revealed cancer had invaded the lympnode x3. Until that day I thought Dr.Lehr was a great doc, but until we are about to head into the FIRST surgery of my life, he asked if he could pray....Now, he was a follower of Christ. I was in the right place! I also want to say that I had not REALLY accepted it, until they wheeled me down that day. In my already groggy state I saw the nurse carrying the clipboard with my name with the diagnosis of L breast cancer. Wow, how could I have cancer? I woke to Dr.Lehr explaining the findings, he said it was a golf ball size tumor and he cut wayyyyy around it to ensure clear margins, which he did. But he also said to me....." You don't have cancer anymore, I cut it out of you". I have stood on that since that day. Those words came from the GREAT physician via my physician. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Dr. Lehr, thank you for being you:) Love you guys! After the confirmation of lymphnode involvement chemo was a must, not an option. We came back to the drawing board and I knew I wanted to do the double mastectomy. He asked when I said ASAP. He said lets do it Monday I think this was a Thursday or Friday even....he said "Let's do this, your in the zone". Yes I was. I have been in the "zone" since. Kicking cancer out and never looking back! Praise God! I want every survivor of breast, as well as other cancers, ailments and just tough circumstances to do the same. This philisophy is what Team Pink Princess is all about. Cancer touched my life and that is it! It is done, it is finished. I don't have to keep dwelling on it, thinking about it, worrying about if it will come back. One, I am standing on the promise and power of the cross for divine healing that lasts forever. Two, I cannot add one day or minute or second to my life by worrying about it, in fact it is really bad for me! So, what to do?! I'll tell you what....believe God for my socks, let the love of Christ flow through me and my life that it might be pleasing to Him AND never look back. The Bible says in Joshua 1:2 "Moses my servant is dead, now then You and all these people get ready to cross the Jordan River." God wants us to keep our eyes fixed on him, not our circumstances, obstacles or our past, no matter how hard or painful it may be. Whether it is sin, disease, rough times the death of a loved one whatever it is, we MUST keep moving forward! We cannot get stuck in the past, the disease, the junk of this world. We must keep our gaze upon Him and eternity. We must live our life in "The Zone".