Learning to turn the other cheek.....is HARD!!!!!

I am a FIGHTER in every sense of the word. I have fought this cancer with EVERYTHING I have! I have also fought  with others throughout my life and during my fight with cancer. I am no longer able or willing to do both, I just want to LIVE! I am praying that this season of my life is also for a reason...God...how much more do you think I can take?!!!!!!!!  BUT he says "NEVER more than you can stand".  He must think I am moonlighting as Super Girl!!!!!! LOL!  I need to learn that I cannot control others or others views of me based on truths, half truths or falsehoods. TURN THE OTHER CHEEK !!!! Please God give me strength! Seriously...I am asking for prayer during this time, thank you all. I love you!

Surgery number 4 and counting :(

Dear tissue expander,
              I know your purpose and plan to stretch my skin and muscles to accommodate some voluptuous boobs for me a little later down the line but right now...YOU SUCK!
                                                                                                         Love, H

      I had surgery on Wednesday morning at 8:00 am after arriving at St. Joseph Medical Center at 6:00 am with mom in tow. Baby boy and Dakota were with my stepmother at the house and Sierra was unable to come because she is starting her first job and I am soooo proud of her. Go Sierra :) Anyway, my wonderful plastic surgeon Dr. John Rast is awesome and all I can say about that is that he is a GOD SEND and I am in debt to him forever, You are a blessing to me and so many others. I also want to thank my BreastCancer.org girls that have been a huge support and wealth of information during this entire process. I love you Deborah-Whippetmom...AKA Breast Whisperer, Laura- Estepp....AKA Babydoll- you both have been instrumental in my reconstruction journey and networking with Dr. Rast. I love you both!!!!

   Despite the fact that I knew I wanted reconstruction surgery I had no idea how tough  it would be, I have no pain with my BMX so I assumed that I would have minimal with the TE surgery as well. I knew the fills could be painful and I was prepared for that, I guess:) Anyway, due to my need to fill fast for upcoming radiation I was filled to 300 cc's in surgery. Which is A LOT!!!!! I woke up with some serious cleavage that seem to begin right below my collar bones...hopefully not for long...that would be wayyyy weird. I am extremely sore and have had A LOT of pain. I never take pain meds but begged for some on the way home from the hospital. I am taking Valium for muscle spasms and hydrocodone for pain and I am still in some serious pain when I get up or sit down out of a reclining position. I have to admit I have not been the best patient either. I never get sick and I still can't fathom that I had cancer.                                        

   Well, just an update on how things are going here. Please be praying for my complete healing and a reprieve from the pain I am experiencing. I long to hold my little man in my arms, kiss and squeeze him. Thanks again to all for your love and support.  I love you all !!!! Thank you Jesus for protecting me through but another surgery that I would live to raise my children and serve you all the days of my life.

Surgery in 10 hours and counting....YIKES!!!!!

I am having surgery in the morning at 8:30 am, I have to be at the hospital at 6am. I am going to try to catch some zzzzzz's. Please pray for me tonight that I might get some sleep and that I will have a successful and safe surgery tomorrow. Thank you and good night:)

Just three sleeps left.....:)

    Just three sleeps left until my tissue expander surgery. I have been chemo free for almost two weeks tomorrow, WHOOO!!!! I am still having severe muscle stiffness, fatigue, neuropathy in my fingers and toes and some facial bloat but overall I am recovering well. I am almost back to my normal weight with just 3lbs. to go, all water from the steroids. I HATE THEM!!!!! I have not had any blood work since last chemo so I am assuming my counts are good to go but I won't know until Wednesday morning at pre op, my oncologist thinks we are good to go though. I am very excited but nervous also, I HATE SURGERY! This particular surgery has restrictions of my arms thus keeping me from lifting my little man and caring for him in many ways, like changing diapers:( I am struggling with that aspect of this part of the journey, no lifting more than a gallon of milk for 3-6 weeks possibly. My mother is coming to stay for a few days, but will have to return to work in a day or two. So, I will be pretty dependant on others for a while. Colt is getting so big and so sweet. He is such a blessing to me, his life literally saved mine. I wouldn't have found the tumor had it not grown so rapidly during my pregnancy. He is my little angel boy! Thank you God for him.

    There have been some roller coaster events happening in my life now and I am READY to get off the ride. Thanks to all of you for your love and support through this adventure. I am looking forward to closing the book on the breast cancer part of my life. Surgery, radiation and then Tamox followed by exchange surgery in the fall or winter....check ups check ups check ups....but soon I will have my life back and my appointment book, cancer was a full time job. So, until next time peeps. Peace out!

The Fourth Kardashian Sister

    Guess who is done with chemo? Yep, it's this girl! I had my last chemotherapy treatment on Monday and I am feeling good. I am still a little tired, swollen and winded, but I am on the mend. My last infusion was uneventful, my two wonderful nurses were "WONDERFUL" as usual. April and Ann....I LOVE YOU ! You aren't just my nurses, you are my friends:)  Thank you for everything and for the beautiful plant !!!!  Bye bye Power port, although you have been a life saver, you saved my veins from the RED DEVIL and all other mustard gas derivatives but SOON....very soon you are OUTTA here! Oh and GOOD BYE steroids. You blow my face up like Miss. Puff, make my belly look like a marshmallow and my booty like a Kardashian sister without the boobies. I HATE YOU !
    There is one thing I would like to voice about chemotherapy. It is HARD but with all of the NEW drugs given as premeds and maintenance for nausea and vomiting, etc. It is doable! I never vomited, I did have MILD nausea, which was totally alleviated with these drugs. Don't decide you can't do chemo because you mother, grandfather, friend had chemo and was "sick" during treatment. Today's chemotherapy is very different than the chemotherapy my grandmother had, she was very sick. I was NOT. I was weak, but not violently ill. Chemotherapy is what kills cancer, it shrinks tumors, kills stray cells. Chemotherapy saves lives. So, when I hear people say after being diagnosed that they WILL NOT do chemo, I just want them to know it is doable. Fight that cancer with whatever they give you, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!!!
    The next step for me is surgery to begin my reconstruction, I am so excited. Please pray, it is March 16. I cannot wait to feel like my self again. I have decided to go bigger with my expansion, pending my skin integrity. I want to give myself a little cushion in case someday I put on a few pounds :) On that note, I am ending chemo at 1lb over my starting weight. If you saw me you would think I have gained a few though, the steroids are HORRIBLE! But soon I will be de puffing. Keep drinking H20 girl! Flush that bloat! I am also starting to exercise daily at least 30 minutes to prevent recurrences. Flax seed, D3, Omega 3's for my heart due to my estrogen suppression, limiting red meat to 2x weekly and trying to find hormone free chicken, beef, pork etc. THEY ARE THE ENEMY! Well, them and soy, soy is bad for ER/PR+cancer too. No soy isolates peeps, they are in protein bars and shakes too. Watch out! Radiation and Tamox to follow.
    Hair.....I have all kinds of hair! My scalp is completely covered with........GREY hair! WHAT! Yeah, it is grey. It is more of a "salt and pepper" color, whatever that is:)  I am a Sparkling Sherry girl and am just waiting for the go ahead from my Oncologist to color this pixie! I will unveil it soon, it is coming in fast. I am still wearing my wigs but hope soon to be going topless as my chemo girls call it:) Going topless used to mean something totally different when I had boobs:) LOL!
   Well, those are just some of the changes I am going through and making since chemo is finished. I am also pleased to announce that I am back in church full time now since my counts have rebounded. I am sooooo excited to be back, I need my church family. I need to be plugged in. I want to sing from the roof tops about all that God has done for me. I hope to share my testimony soon with others. God has been sooo good to me and I give him all the praise and glory. HE is AWESOME!!!!