Enter HIS praise with Thanksgiving in your heart.......:)

       Well, Thanksgiving is coming this week and this season is by far my favorite of the year. As the trees begin to change and snow begins to fall I turn into super mommy mode making sure my kids experience the traditions that I want them to share with their children someday. I bake, I cook, I decorate, I host, I LOVE being a stay at home mom and wife and live for this time of year to shine:) This year has been somewhat different with my current SITUATION, but I am not going to let a little thing like cancer get in the way of my life, like I had been doing these last few weeks:) I have been going through a valley and feeling as though I didn't have much to look forward to, let alone be thankful for, being sick is not my strong suite. I have been in the hospital prior to breast cancer 4 times in my life....my birth and my three children births so I am not a very good patient. This valley has been long and dark compared to my fast healing, pain free surgeries that God blessed me with, I had no idea that chemo would get me down physically and mentally as it had.
    I had begun to let cancer define me in every way and to a degree it has to with certain physical aspects such as staying germ free thus the confinement. UGH! But I had let it control every thought and action and quite frankly it SUCKED!!!! I was depressed and notably so as you have read. I am still going through this valley and I am not sure how long it will last, Monday will be my last A/C treatment and Taxol should be easier, but I can do this. I can do ALL THINGS through Christ that strengthens me. It is not me, it is HIM in me and even on days when I think I can't do this anymore, HE can.
    As much as I want to get through this next treatment I am dreading it as I always do, because I know all to well the side effects that have lasted a day or two longer each treatment. I am going to, however, praise GOD through this treatment and thank HIM for every blessing I have instead of concentrating on how I FEEL. Every time I start thinking or FEELING bad I am going to praise him OUT LOUD. Fix your eyes on me and not yourself Heather:) Thank you Jesus!!!
      I have so much to be thankful for..... my daughters recent protection in a rollover car crash, PRAISE GOD!!! things could have been so different. My healthy boys that don't allow me to concentrate on cancer every minute of the day with their smiles, laughs and antics, Praise GOD!!!  Instead of concentrating on what I cancer has stolen from me, I am concentrating on what God has given me and is going to restore in my life. Can you say SEVEN FOLD?!!!!
    I am entering this season with thanksgiving in my heart and praise for the one that has promised that he will never leave me or forsake me. Now, onward SUPER SEASON MOMS....I know I am not the only one:) I am going to cook, bake and decorate this season all the while singing his praises for all he has done, is doing and will do in my life, while BALD might I add. You should too. Happy Thanksgiving. God bless:)

Three down, one to go....well sort of:)

      I am over halfway through my first four dense dose chemotherapy treatments. I had my third infusion on the 8th of November. Since then I have been very tired and fatigued, had a lot of nausea and now thrush covering my mouth. I realize my last last few posts have been a real downer and have reflected the way I have been feeling....DEPRESSED!!! I believe that the physical effects of the chemo have been the hardest to endure since my diagnosis. I had three surgeries that I breezed through. I was "IN THE ZONE" then and after 5 months of eradicating this disease from my body I am worn out.
    I have been dwelling on how I feel physically, cause darn it I feel SOOOOO bad. I have had my faith tested many times during this journey and in the last few weeks more that ever. I know I beleive that God almighty has me in the palm of his hand and that he has already told me of my future and the plans he has for me, but in the throws of the aches, pains, nausea, and on and on....you wonder why ? Why God do I have to go through this ? Couldn't you have just healed me before all the surgery, the treatments, the sickness? How much more can I stand? I don't know if I can do this? It is soooo hard. You know you have to do it but you don't want to.
      The chemo is ensuring that my cancer never returns so there is no question as to the validity but it has been the hardest leg of this trip by far. As the last treatment approaches next week I find myself dreading the side effects from the chemo but know that it is the last hard one. My oncologist and other surviors say that taxol is a breeze....Sooooo,I am believing that Taxol will be easier than the A/C and that despite the highly allergic possibilties that I will not have any adverse reactions. Please pray that for me, I am experiencing some anxiety about that possiblility. Tweleve weekly taxol treatments and then I am free of chemo and all of it's terrible side effects. Praise GOD!!! Speaking of God and his faithfulness that shows up every morning and in the wee hours of the night when I can't sleep or am afraid, thank you and praise you JESUS the author and finisher of my faith, for you are doing this, not me.

I will get through this........

      Let's just start by saying that chemo SUCKS!!!!! After my first treatment I thought that chemo would be well....... less SUCKY!!!! After last weeks infusion I had to use a wheel chair to get to the truck I was so weak and I stayed that way for a day or two, just in time to get the Neulasta shot, which also SUCKS!!!  So, I had a SUCKY week. It took me almost 7 days to rebound from the last treatment, way too long for SUPER GIRL. My counts have also been way low, 1.8 after first treatment and 2.5 after second, too low to attend church, go to the grocery store or anywhere else. It SUCKS!!!!
    I have been down in the dumps since the last treatment side effects and my new found agoraphobia. I have also lost ALL of my hair now and am completely, totally  BALD. I think the combonation of feeling so bad this time and looking so bad has taking a mental toll on me. God has a plan and though it may not seem so, you just have to trust him. He has carried me through thus far and as long as I keep my eyes fixed on him and not myself or my circumstance he will keep me:)