I'm SEXY and I KNOW it!

     I usually always write about deep feelings and subjects that have been happening in my life since cancer and tonight is no exception. Tonight I am feeling A LOT better about my life and the direction it is heading. I am a child of the KING, even when circumstances seem bleak, desolate, destitute, I am blessed and favored.  I am also HUMAN and fall prey to the worries, wonders and what if''s and last week I was REALLY struggling. I hadn't found a job or decided what I was doing with my personal life. My whole life got JACKED! But this is a NEW week and I have been dealt and created much worse circumstances than this and GUESS WHAT? I am still here. Cancer didn't kill me and neither will this. I have a purpose and call on my life to help others and no circumstance, problem, issue is going to get in the way. God just keeps opening doors for me and I go in and jump out the window. WHO does that? I have been so misguided and so foolish! No more!!!!
   I landed a job this last week as the Marketing Director for a long term care facility, praise God! I have been praying so hard for another opportunity to serve others and make some bank! I have been struggling financially and worrying about my insurance situation as I cannot go one day without coverage. My new job not only exceeds my financial expectations by tens of thousands it has excellent insurance. I am soooo blessed.
    I had THE BEST day today with my daughter. Sierra Denae Angst.....the MOST beautiful girl in the world. We went shopping and out to lunch, it was amazing. Who says retail therapy is a fallacy? It is real girls! We laughed and cried about cancer, boys, collage and Christ. I needed her so much! I feel like my old self again, before cancer, before the BULL! It was GREAT! It was the perfect Christmas gift. She has been God's gift to me more than once and today I am blessed. Merry Christmas to me.

    Sierra and I tried on clothes, shoes, dresses for New Years. It was a blast. She complimented me by saying to someone "My mom is such a FOX". I laughed, but it felt good to be called a FOX. My self esteem had been fractured, broken and hurt by certain circumstances and cancer, but NO MORE! I am sexy and I know it!  Last year at Christmas and New Years I was bald, with a concave chest with scars that reached almost entirely across it. This year although I am still wearing my wigs I do have hair and I do have foobs. I can get dressed up in a cute dress even if I have to dab a little concealer on my scars:) At midnight I will KISS this year goodbye and thank God for another.

http://youtu.be/wyx6JDQCslE

Go BIG or Go HOME!

     I have always believed that I live my life as an open book with nothing to hide. I still feel that way. I have made mistakes....MANY, but I feel that my honesty and candid conversation helps and heals me and others.  As I have said many times before, I hope that my life and path either deters others from making the same mistakes or let's them know that they are not alone in their thoughts or problems. This is NOT a "how to" blog people. Life is a lesson and if you keep hiding who and what you are you will never get better, stop making the same mistakes, or move on. You will continue to wander about the wilderness. I say be honest, be true in every area of your life, if you don't your only cheating yourself from a REAL life experience and a REAL chance at happiness. GO BIG or GO HOME!!!

    I have been battling spiritually in a way since coming back to KC. I am about to launch the website which I am super excited about, but daily my routine has been laxed. I like routine and am VERY goal oriented. Since survivorship has begun I have lived each day with a mission and purpose for that particular day. I am living a purpose driven life and lately have been feeling a little lost without a job, routine or service position. I enjoyed serving meals on wheels and really miss that feeling of making a difference in others lives, especially seniors. I am on a mission to get that going here also. Please pray for me in that area and all others. Your prayers have gotten me through each day since diagnosis. I love you all <3.

  I am doing well physically and have been discharged to 9 week oncology visits. WHOOOOOOOO!!!!! I am so happy. God is so good. He has taken me through so much and continues to daily. I am so blessed. I looked at some photos from last years Christmas and I began to cry. I was bald, pale and very frail. I was at the end of the HARDEST part of my treatment, my last dense dose A/C was very, very close. God was really working wonders in my life and although I hated going through it, it has made me STRONG! He has drawn me closer to Him and given my life a purpose and mission. Helping other survivors navigate through this process is so rewarding and encounters in that realm happen almost daily. PRAISE YOU JESUS for your are the author of my life!!!!! What YOU have for me is MORE than I could ever accomplish on my own. Praise God!

     All of our children are all doing well. Brett and I are preparing for Christmas here at the farm. We have around 20 chickens, two cats with a litter on the way, a dog, three kids and grandma here at the farm. We decorated the house with over 6000 lights, I trimmed the tree with all of my favorite red and gold ornaments. It is all so beautiful! We are so excited to spend our first Christmas here. We will be baking our" Happy Birthday Jesus" cake on Christmas that we will not forget the REAL reason for the season. Jesus Christ mommy's healer, redeemer, deliverer, and best friend. Yep, my best friend was born in a manger <3.

  For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost....Luke19:10

Mother, Daughter and Friend

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    This morning I was awoke by a voice mail from my brother saying that our aunt by marriage had passed away after a long battle with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She was 52. It is very difficult to lose anyone but after being diagnosed with cancer every time you hear of a  recurrence or death it is a wake up call, like a punch in the stomach that takes you right back to the day you were diagnosed. As awful as that sounds and it really is, it is useful, for me anyway. As the months pass since active treatment you begin to migrate back to normalcy that normal feeling is your ultimate goal, the PRIZE, during chemo. That normal, however, is challenged with each doctor visit, each ache, pain, scan or test. But none like the loss of a fellow survivor. My heart is heavy but I know that God has a plan for me as he did for Diane. I don't know the details but I trust Him. Praise you God for another day to be a mother to my children, a daughter to my mother and father, a sister, granddaughter, cousin and friend. Amen.

    This is a photo of my aunt Diane and her mother at her church in the Northland, she signed for the deaf patrons in her church before diagnosis. This morning she is gazing upon our Saviors face in heaven:)

 

 

 

 The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not  want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Amen