Three down, one to go....well sort of:)

      I am over halfway through my first four dense dose chemotherapy treatments. I had my third infusion on the 8th of November. Since then I have been very tired and fatigued, had a lot of nausea and now thrush covering my mouth. I realize my last last few posts have been a real downer and have reflected the way I have been feeling....DEPRESSED!!! I believe that the physical effects of the chemo have been the hardest to endure since my diagnosis. I had three surgeries that I breezed through. I was "IN THE ZONE" then and after 5 months of eradicating this disease from my body I am worn out.
    I have been dwelling on how I feel physically, cause darn it I feel SOOOOO bad. I have had my faith tested many times during this journey and in the last few weeks more that ever. I know I beleive that God almighty has me in the palm of his hand and that he has already told me of my future and the plans he has for me, but in the throws of the aches, pains, nausea, and on and on....you wonder why ? Why God do I have to go through this ? Couldn't you have just healed me before all the surgery, the treatments, the sickness? How much more can I stand? I don't know if I can do this? It is soooo hard. You know you have to do it but you don't want to.
      The chemo is ensuring that my cancer never returns so there is no question as to the validity but it has been the hardest leg of this trip by far. As the last treatment approaches next week I find myself dreading the side effects from the chemo but know that it is the last hard one. My oncologist and other surviors say that taxol is a breeze....Sooooo,I am believing that Taxol will be easier than the A/C and that despite the highly allergic possibilties that I will not have any adverse reactions. Please pray that for me, I am experiencing some anxiety about that possiblility. Tweleve weekly taxol treatments and then I am free of chemo and all of it's terrible side effects. Praise GOD!!! Speaking of God and his faithfulness that shows up every morning and in the wee hours of the night when I can't sleep or am afraid, thank you and praise you JESUS the author and finisher of my faith, for you are doing this, not me.