It's not about me.

 I am not sure if this is the first time you have happened on my blog or if you have been a follower through the whole journey but either way thank you for stopping. Here is a little recap of what has been going on in my life since my 2010 diagnosis. First things first....Prior to me finding out I had cancer I asked God to almost daily enlarge my territory for the Kingdom. I had actually forgot about that until recently. During that period I got divorced, got involved in a less than Godly relationship and had a child. Six months after giving birth, while breast feeding my son I discovered the dent. I was diagnosised at 35 with invasive ductal carcinoma. I was devastated. My life was already out of the will of God and submerged in sin and I knew it, now cancer. 4 surgeries, 5 months of chemotherapy, 33 radiation treatments and life long hormone suppression were to follow.  I only told you this to tell you that although I came to Christ at a young age, went to church off and on throughout my life I had no relationship. I would get on fire for God and then walk away. I will tell you that none of those experiences compare to the relationship I have with Christ now. I had been taught about the love of God and the fear of God especially if when He returned I was dancing or at a movie theater. I was raised in religion, not relationship. And I had picked up some relationship along the way not on my own, I believe it was all God and Holy Spirit penetrating my heart for the call on my life later. God knew I would never be ready at the rate I was going, spiritual maturity....what was that?  Fast forward to the storm before the storm, God had already told me that I had a testimony and I was going to tell a lot of women before I was diagnosed. I wondered what about my messed up life could God use to help other women. Then within five minutes after the fateful phone call God spoke to me again saying the same words. In a tiny bathroom while I sat on the toilet crying, wondering how and who would care for my children if I died God spoke again, just as He had about 6 or 8 months prior. I knew now what He meant. I still didn't see that this would expand my territory as I had asked Him to do time and time again.  Through cancer, through tough things, through loss God reveals His power and presence if we let Him. For some it doesn't take a trial, a loss, a cancer to get them to seek God's face but for folks like me it takes a 2x4. In that physically and mentally weakened state I found out who God really was, not because I was scared to die but because He though cancer got my full attention. I developed a relationship with Him. I continue to learn daily again, I am a work in progress. I can go through the list for you, but if I could sum it all up it would be that God is my first love, my passion, my heart, my everything!  Most of what I knew about the Bible and God I learned in church as a child. So, as an adult woman I began to read His word, talk to Him about everything and I mean everything. There is NO subject taboo from my God. He is my father and all that means. He has taught me not to limit our relationship by taking Him out when I have a need and put Him up when things are good again. That is how our relaionship had been much of my life, oh how I had shortchanged Him and myself. My life now is much different. My relationship with God is the center of my life, everything else is just icing on the cake. My family and children The BEST, my job...I love, my ministry serving women and God is awesome, the territory God has expanded for Him through cancer is amazing but NOTHING compares to Him. I find that all of these things, the people even are gifts from Him to me.   God knew I was going to get cancer, he didn't cause it but everything in my life passes through His hands. So He knew it, He allowed it for His purpose and my life's purpose. So can I be bitter or angry at Him? No, in fact He allowed something bad to change me for His work. He gave me territory for work and "mine" for Him, not in the way I wanted. I wanted to serve the poor at a soup kitchen, teach Sunday school, anything but cancer !!!! How could that get me to where I wanted to go?  Again, NOT about me.  As many of you know I read The Purpose Driven Life and it addresses God's plan and purpose for our life. The entire premise of this book to me can be summed up in four words.....it's not about me. God's plan, God's purpose will prevail over our desire, our will, our life. The sooner we see that we can't control anything, the easier it becomes to be obedient to the one who does!!!!!!! Can i get an Amen!!!!!! I have to go back to today's post now that I have taken you through the long way around....just like me always.    Anyway, today on Facebook I posted a status that read.....Be obedient to God and His favor will be so great that you won't be able to contain all the blessings in your life. Amen. Sign me up!!!!! This sparked some debate about what some would see as "Prosperity gospel". I had not heard that term before, but got the just of it. Some thought that I was referring to possessions or not possessions, but just that I was preaching something like....If you walk with God everything will be rosy and you will have no worries? I think based upon responses that was some of the comments and the other was that being I shouldn't just be in a relationship with God for what I could "get" out of it. Well, I had to work today and didn't get to reply but the conversation went on and on very respectfully but with definite differences in opinions or interpretations of what the Word says.   Remember you are reading a post from a 36 year old women than believes ALL of the Bible. She still has that child like faith that takes her to the throne for ALL the anwsers in this life. She believes the signs and miracles for today not just in the old testament. She knows He is still doing miracles because she has seen them first hand. She believes He is her healer, her deliver, Her Savior, her father, her bridegroom, her strong tower, her protector, her KING! She worships and talks to Him all thought the day, not always asking Him for things but praising Him for all He is and all He has done! Does this girl believe He died for her sin, yep. Her healing, yep. Her place in eternity, yep.  So, this girl that wants ONLY the will of God in her life so badly that it trumps her own needs and desires, for the most part, Keep in mind she is human. She wanted a new car, her old one is a clunker and has no air conditioning but her prayer was God if it isn't ur will don't let it happen and at the last minute the interest rate becomes 22%. So she walks from the car. This girl wants a husband, but not just any husband. She wants and waits for a Godly man. One that has kids, doesn't want more kids, doesn't smoke and LOVES the water. This is just the short list of course.... My point is that I trust God for my socks.  Do I believe that I gain favor or blessings by being obedient? You bet I do. All things come together for good to those that love the Lord. How many of you tithe? If you tithe you know the sacrifice you make giving that portion to God that you could use for other things or just to pay bills or buy groceries with? Even though it is ALL God's money anyway, but you know what I mean. Are there times when you tithe knowing that if you do you won't be able to pay this bill or that? Have you ever when obeying God with your tithes and offering been hungry or had the lights shut out? I haven't. My obedience to God is honored by Him by the way He takes care of my needs. He knows when I am obedient and it hurts my flesh yet I still do it. He knows what we go through, He was tempted with it all. My obedience to God is not out of fear as it was growing up stuck in religion and not in relationship. My obedience nowadays is because I am so thankful for the relationship I have with my father. He is the BOMB!    The relationship I have when we talk and I worship him for who He is and what He did for all of us. It is not about me, it is about Him. So, now that we know that my spiritual relationship while still young and fresh is not perfect, is pure. I don't have a relationship with God for what I can get from Him, BUT how can you have a relationship with God and not talk about all He has done for you. How He has enriched your life to the point that you can't contain it! You want to tell everyone about it. And you want them to know how good He is and how easy it is to come to Him and leave that broken life behind. How awesome it is to know that He cares so much about us that he takes care of every need we may have and then some if we are obedient to Him and keep His commands.  Does that mean that living a Godly, Holy life should look like a poverished life, a downtrodden life, a less than everything He died to give me life.....NOPE! Does that mean possesions, for some people yes. Does that mean a large ministry, for some people yes. Does that mean joy unspeakable and full of glory attitude for all that are His children? The anwser should be YES!!! With or without STUFF! Does living a life with God in the cockpit ensure that you won't have a rough ride? Nope, but it does mean that anything and everything that happens good and bad He knew about and allowed. I know my part is this alone is to "Keep your eyes fixed on me, Heather. You are not a statistic. Don't look at this or that, just keep your eyes on Me." Love, Jesus.