Moving past the big "C"

    Moving past cancer has been more difficult than I thought in many ways and easier than I thought in others. The way I think has certainly changed, having had cancer has made me more aware than ever of my own mortality. It has also made me aware of the things I can do to improve my chances of living a long life and not dying from heart disease let alone breast cancer like diet, exercise etc. The physical changes to my body such as the scars from my surgeries, new foobs and the last five pounds that I cannot kick seem to phase me less than I thought. I have always taken care of myself and appearance was soooo very important to me. Don't get me wrong I still take care of myself but my worth and value is NOT based on how I look, what I weigh, what I am wearing or driving. THANK GOD!!! Because I looked healthy before and was sick, just didn't know it. I also was sick in my thinking and my value system was all whack! I am still a work in progress and certainly NOT perfect but the BEST I have ever been. Keep in mind....He is still working on me:)
   The harder parts of moving past cancer are AGAIN the "what if's." Controling and taming the "what if's" are what I would normally "do" in any situation that was uncertain. Now I just am learning to live with them. WOW...did I just say that? I really sound smart and put together. On many days I am and on others I fall flat on my face. BUT one truth still stands out in my mind and every time I doubt, fear, break down.....I cannot add one day to my life by worrying about the "what if's". I couldn't before and I can't now. It is HARD to be human and have knowledge and not use them to wonder, speculate and figure out. God created me and he knows me better than I know myself. Please then Lord....let my sharp, studious mind not dwell on the statics, stories, lives of other survivors with same stage, grade, node involvement be of NO significance to me. Give me that child like faith that has no room for doubt or fear only TRUST in you and your will for my life. Remind me of the promise you gave me before I even knew I had cancer that I would share my story with others. Please God, give me PEACE!
  Rads are over next onto Femara. I have an onco appointment next week as well as a trip to KC to the plastic surgeon to access the damage from radiation. Please continue to pray for me through this journey that we call life.

    Thank you to my Father in Heaven for being with me every moment of my life and thank you to my earthly father who REALLY stepped into the role of THE GREATEST DAD on earth, I love you!!!!!

This song is for you...........................Butterfly Kisses.