Love deeper, speak sweeter :)

        I have heard the song by Tim McGraw "Live Like you were dying"  many times, it is about his father Tug McGraw who discovered he had terminal cancer and died shortly after, but never prior to cancer did I REALLY know what the lyrics meant. I have lived my life scared of many things including just living. Exhibit A- airplanes. I have NEVER flown. I have taken chances on things that have bombed, I have ventured out where I shouldn't have been, I have made lots of mistakes in my thirty five year old life. One thing I hadn't done though prior to cancer was live like each day was so precious and could be taken away at any moment. We are born and die at an appointed time, I am not sure what that time is for me, as are you, but I can tell you that life is best living it with urgency and purpose.

   My purpose besides living a Christ centered life has been to be a mommy first and foremost, it is by far the most rewarding, challenging, hands down BEST job in the world. I love my kids more than life, but feel that in the hustle and bustle of life and it's hardships and problems I have failed to ENJOY being a mother to the fullest. I know now that I am not Wonder Woman, contrary to popular belief :-) I didn't hug my children long and hard every day, I didn't hang on every single Mommy listen..... to this or that after  hearing it 50 times a day. I can do better in EVERY area of my life.  I could have done better but I was living life like there would always be tomorrow to fix any problems or issues I was having. I was foolish. I took my life and my loves all for granted. I am an affectionate, loving, wonderful mother, sister, friend, but I have not lived like I was dying. I have found that many positive things have come out of this diagnosis and this is one of them........My new PASSION for life.

  Patience and deeper love for life as well as everything and everyone in it came very easily. I was always a soft person I believe not hard, bitter or jaded but certainly didn't have the deep love for life as I do now. In the song live like you were dying Tim says "I went skydiving, I went rocky mountain climbing, I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Shu, And I loved deeper, And I spoke sweeter, And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin', And he said some day I hope you get the chance, To live like you were dyin'." I know it is just lyrics to a country song but it is so true when facing a deadly disease. Hindsight is 20/20 and I cannot change the past although there are many things I would change. If you lucky, healthy peeps can live like you were dying BEFORE you get that phone call or test result no one wants to hear you my friends will be one step ahead of me.

   Living like you were dying is living life with ZEAL and WOW. LOVE is number one, in hand with FORGIVENESS of others that have wronged you even if they didn't say they were sorry. PASSION and PURPOSE is also on the forefront. Living a PURPOSE driven life is AWESOME and if you want to know or want a deeper meaning of what that means you should get the book Purpose Driven life. It is a LIFE CHANGING book, not about dying but about living and prioritizing your life to make it conducive to the purpose that you were put on this earth for. Again this book is LIFE CHANGING, a must read. Living like you were dying frees you to do things that are purposeful and not just routine, in fact it's okay to say NO to things that hinder you from fulfilling your purpose. PRIORITIZING your life....what is important to you? Who is important to you? Living a purposeful life simplifies the way you live day to day, it makes you take account the activities, people, places that are not fruitful or conducive to your purpose therefore a kind of downsizing. It is AMAZING!!!

   Life is short and although it seems you may be going to live forever, you won't. You could die tomorrow in a car crash, of cardiac arrest or you could like me get cancer and have to fight for your life. If you learn one thing from all of my blog ramblings about cancer and my little life I hope it is this... find your life's purpose and LIVE IT OUT!!! Live your life like tomorrow is your last day. Love deeper, speak sweeter.