Team Pink Princess Retreat news!

Attention Pink Princesses! Who is ready to attend the second annual Team Pink Princess retreat? It will be held near Bennett Springs, Mo @ NRO campgrounds September 6-8. This is an awesome opportunity to experience the beautiful Missouri Ozarks while hanging out with some awesome speakers that include ministry by Shila Barker of WOW church Lake of the Ozarks, local Spirit FM DJ and breast cancer survivor Michele O'dell, Nutritionist Debbi Riess Roam and many more. Survivors will have the opportunity to zip through the trees on the NRO zip line, float the river and hear "Never look back" strategies for overcoming cancer and other obstacles. If you are interested in attending or sponsoring survivors let me know ASAP. Space is limited and filling fast. Cost for this amazing event is $275 a person which includes two nights lodging in a rustic cabin, meals, zip and rafting. You don't want to miss this life changing opportunity. I promise you won't be the same! Contact me via Facebook @ Team Pink Princess, via email @ heatherangst@yahoo.com, or by phone at 816-812-9501.

Overcomer, just sayin!

          Wow, a lot of STUFF has happened since my post last fall, so much to tell. Where do I start? Well, I continue to remain cancer free. Praise You Jesus for the power of  the cross! MOST of the time I am not looking over my shoulder wondering when or if cancer is going to return. Oh sure, the enemy wants me to look at my family history or my statics or this article or that person that I might "take" the cancer back or just take the fear of the cancer back. I refuse. The Bible says Jesus came that I would be free of sickness and disease. Honestly, believing ANYTHING other than that, would be blasphemy. God sent Jesus as a living sacrifice for my sin, for my place in eternity and for my HEALING! Anything that comes upon me or YOU, for that matter, does NOT belong! My job is stated over and over in the Word. Do NOT fear! One step beyond that it says ONLY believe, not sometimes believe or maybe believe.....ONLY believe. Praise God! Never look back!
      Since I posted back in September I faced one more surgery to exchange my expanders for silicone implants and finally I can sleep on my belly again for the first time since placement. Woot, woot! I want to thank all of my family, friends and co workers for all that they did during my recovery time. I had a wonderful support in Laura Jambrosic on surgery day. She is the compass that lead me to my wonderful surgeon Jon Rast of Associated Plastic Surgeons in Leawood, Kansas. He did an amazing job on my reconstruction despite the fact the radiation kept me from obtaining the 750cc implants I wanted and cost me an extra incision. We settled for 600cc implants which actually look very natural. BUT, on the way home from hospital I was "drunk" dialing people and looking down my shirt crying over the size reduction on 435 highway. True story! Anyway, they have healed and they are amazing. Next stop, areola tattooing in the BIG EASY!
      I have made a lot of changes in my personal life throughout last year some good and some bad. I can say I have made a ton of mistakes and have learned a TON of lessons. So, what does 2013 look like for this survivor? Well, it looks like contentment and wholeness and health. It looks like friendships and happiness and healing. It looks like a life full of possibilities. It means conquering fears and phobias and debunking lies and falsehoods, pulling down strongholds and standing in the gap for others who are struggling and think they can't. This is the year to overcome! We will overcome, with Christ ALL things are possible! God said I had a testimony to tell other women long before I had cancer and again that fateful day. He has been guiding and dragging me along this journey, picking me up when I mess up, which seems like much too often. Praise God for grace and mercy! "It's time to go, Heather."
      It's time to take Team Pink Princess to the rest of the world. The vision God has birthed in me has continued to grow as time goes on. But the words He has given me along this journey haven't changed one bit. The mission of Team Pink Princess is to infuse life into those who are struggling with disease, treatment or the term terminal disease. I am gonna put it out there and I know it's BOLD and I know to some it is foreign or CRAZY but I am sayin' that God has deemed Pink Princess a healing ministry. I believe not only for the spiritual parts or aspects of the cancer being healed, like we saw last year in the lives of the girls that attended, but for physical healing through the power and promise of the cross. I am talking about healing through treatments such as chemotherapy and others, but I am also talking about instantaneous healings from terminal disease. Yep, I said it!
      Since last years retreat I began working with a small group of professionals that include smart and savvy business folks, doctors, attorneys and pastors all of which are like minded and we are working the details for obtaining our not for profit status. My dream and the belief for Team Pink Princess has always been that no one would be turned away from the retreats or activities for inability to pay. Our fundraising efforts last year were a minimum. We barely got the girls to camp and paid the vendors. I would love to be able to increase the number of survivors this year to double at least. To do that I will be hosting several events this year and will be looking for those with a servants heart to serve at the retreat as well as fundraisers. Also if you are able to support Team Pink Princess financially I would ask that you contact me directly. There is a HUGE need! Thank you all for your support and love! You all make the ride much more beautiful! Thank you to God for the vision and dream that You have poured into my heart and soul. Please continue to teach me how to flow it into the lives of others. Never look back!

Out with the old, in with the new.

   Wow....so many things have happened since my last post. I will start with the death of my aunt Theresa. She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and passed away a little over a month later. This was a huge blow, not only at the loss of her life which is so tragic, but the loss of another family member to this disease. It hit me as the ONLY living survivor in my family VERY hard! Like a Mack truck hard! God told me two years ago that I was NOT a statistic as I stared at my computer screen on breastcancer.org searching through stage 4 survivors stats wondering what my odds were based upon my staging, tumor size and number of positive lymph nodes. He told me then to fix my eyes on Him and quit looking at everyone else. It is hard but for the most part I do, until I lose yet another family member. It takes me back and not in a good way.
  In the midst of her illness and just days before her death I finally found a house in my budget with terms I could accept. I felt this house was from God. The owner's mother was a pink warrior whom lost the battle, she in fact is buried in the cemetery behind my home. Her daughter, a tender beautiful woman painted the bathroom of my home pink, burns a pink light in the front of the house and also like me, wears pink everyday in remembrance of her mom. The whole story is a God thing! The day after we had the visitation for my aunt, also behind my house at the funeral home, I signed the papers and moved in. The entire time the enemy is screaming at me that I am gonna be next and that they won't have to take me far since I already live behind the cemetery. What a filthy liar!
     News flash, I am NOT a statistic, I am not a product of a genetic or generational curse or abnormality. I am a warrior! I denounce any evil plot from the enemy to steal my life or my family or my children. I will not accept it! I am not just a pink warrior princess, I am a member of God's army. He has protected me, held my head up when I didn't have the strength to do it myself. He has carried me through the DARKEST days of my life and restored me. He continues to restore me daily. He sets me on my feet. I am sooo thankful for my savior, my friend Jesus Christ. His sacrifice on the cross set me free of sin, death and sickness. I do NOT have to accept cancer or disease. This is my testimony and I am to tell LOTS of women. Praise You God, for You are my redeemer!
   So, back to the house that God gave. I immediately knew I would host Jewels meetings here and maybe some Pink Princess activities, but I really had not caught the vision God had for this house when He gave it to me. He first had to reassure me that I was not given this house to die in it, this is part of the restoration process just like the car, my breasts, my smile, my heart. Okay, so now that know I am not coming here to die.....what do you want me to do with it God? I had been putting things away when I realized that in the last couple of moves I had downsized little by little and really have very little to store in my basement. What a HUGE space! What would I do with it?
    I  am unpacking and start to put my kids pics on the fridge with magnets like I always had. The magnets I had collected over the last few years were from the Kansas City Cancer Center and chemotherapy drug companies. As I begin to hang the photos of my beautiful kids I think "you should throw them away", but I didn't have anymore to replace them and wanted to hang the photos. So, I pressed on. I got the photos arranged perfectly and stood back to see my miracles surrounded by cancer. I knew before I placed them all I shouldn't have, but after they were there I KNEW that I KNEW that they were to go! I began to cry. God began to speak to me reminding me of the promises of life and all The times He told me to never look back. 
    I was on a mission after that to rid my new home of all things cancer. I found literature from when I was diagnosed, about the chemo, staging, and the likes. I found a shoe box full of drugs for nausea, steroids for allergic reactions, pain meds from post surgery, muscle relaxers for my tissue expander pain, neurontin for the nerve damage I had in my fingers and toes after chemo when I couldn't even feel my feet. I threw it all out! Honestly anything that remotely had anything to do with cancer I ditched. 
   And then there was the wigs......The wigs have always been so much fun for me. I LOVE THEM! I mean REALLY love them. I feel as though they are the most wonderful accessory one could have! I know it is NOT normal. Anyway, those are still hanging around. BUT, it felt sooo good to get rid of that stuff! Then it hit me.....the basement should be used for Team Pink Princess as a studio full of great clothes, accessories, make up, wigs and jewelry. Sounds awesome huh!? I started Team Pink with a superficial mission to help women restore their appearance, gain lost self esteem and look great! All great ideas, but not God's plan. He wants to restore from the inside out. He had not completed the work in me yet, I take longer than most in case you forgot. He and I had a long road to haul from the birth of TPP till now and I know that this is not the end either. Team Pink Princess will continue to evolve as I do in this process. 
    The next step for Team Pink Princess is to begin hosting Princess parties for those women just entering treatment, emerging from it or just needing a lift. I am hoping to have skincare, skin, hair and make up people, clothing and jewelry people as well as tattoo artists to help with nipple tattooing or restoration and or/permanent make up. I welcome all of you to help me get this project off the ground. I am also needing a contractor or construction person to help transform the basement into a Pink Princess studio, at this time it is a bare and unfinished basement. Thank you to all that support and love me. Your commitment and hearts are amazing! Thank you God, the God of new beginnings and restoration. The GREAT I AM!

Team Pink Princess 2012

What an amazing retreat! Wow, so I learned a TON on the first ever Pink Princess Retreat! Can't wait till the next one!  I feel so blessed to have had the experience and provide others with the same. I only wish we had had more survivors and more time to experience the area, the bonding, the "Never look back" ministry provided by Vicky Adkins and the list goes on! I will say that the activities were fun and exciting, too exciting for some;)  The whole premise of Team Pink Princess is moving beyond cancer whether that is a literal cancer or the kind that life and or bad decisions bring. It really is about closing the book on the past and beginning to live again. Many of you have seen the pictures of the survivors at the bluff overlooking the river bottom, that was a really cool place. That spot is where we each took a vessel filled with dirt, the dirt was full of many things for each person in attendance, and tossed, threw, shook and rid ourselves of the cancer, brokenness, sin, hurt....you name it we had it. Key word.....HAD! We all left cancer and all the rest of the stuff behind as we threw it over the side of the bluff down into the river. It was no longer a part of us or who we were meant to be. It was amazing to watch each of us as we emptied our vessels. We each has our own way, tossing it about at once, handful after handful at a time. Some of us were mad, others hurt, some happy it was finally over, one thing was for sure....there was not an dry eye in the crowd. We canoed, zip lined and hung out making s'mores at night while running away from skunks. We traded war stories, we prayed we sang, we loved and we even lost. We lost the people we in came as. We came in as Pink Warriors with battle wounds and scars that not only cancer had left but life too. The last day before we started home many of us were baptized in the Niangua River just outside Bennett Springs....always a dream of mine, not Vicky's but she was a sport! We brought the vessels to the water before the baptism and each washed them of the dirt residue that had been in them from the previous venture. The vessel was not just a place to store the dirt but it had symbolized us, each pink princess. We were now sparkling clean and without all of the junk that had been plaguing us since cancer and way before that.  I was amazed how each of us had come with needs, hurts, problems that to my surprise didn't have anything to do with cancer. Let me just say that God is so good. The ministry that took place is the forefront of what Team Pink Princess is. The activities and adventures that you will see from the organization in the future will be fun and exciting, but the "real deal" is the love of Jesus Christ and how His death on the cross free's of sin, gives eternal life and is the basis for healing for cancer and all other disease literal and figurative. So with that said,  I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you to all that came out, donated, supported the fundraising events, bought T-shirts, bought flip flops for the next 5 or 10 retreats, sponsored survivors and assisted with airfare. I want to thank Vicky Adkins and Ashlee Meyer for the ministry and events that took place in regard to making each survivor feel at home, loved, and strengthened. You guys did an amazing job, I will tell you if you donated to this retreat in anyway there were many lives changed and many people that didn't even get to attend that have experienced breakthroughs through the survivors after they returned home. Until the next time remember.....Never look back, you're not going that way!

He knows me.

Here we are with less than 24 hours until Team Pink Princess becomes a reality and it is so sereal. I have been going non-stop since I was diagnosed, meeting goal after goal, milestone after milestone. Today my aunt came to my work to pick up some shirts as I walked back in my building I was reminded of her mother, my grandmother who died of cancer of the stomach lining when I was about 10 or 12. I remember grandma getting chemo and her wearing a scarf on her head. I never really knew the battle though or understood. What I do remember is my dad being out of town on a business trip and my grandma had declined or had a surgery or both. I remember going to the hospital with my other set of grandparents and seeing my dad's face after he came from her room. He had tears in his eyes and I don't remember ever seeing my dad cry before that day. My grandma died shortly after. I remember what I wore to her funeral, a turquoise dress and silver shoes. My grandma had never been to the ocean and my dad's trip had taken him to the beach. He placed a ziplock bag with sand in her casket at the funeral. That is my first memory of cancer. Cancer was the scariest word I had ever heard. Cancer equaled death. My grandpa on my moms side would die decades later of pancreatic cancer. It was also another death sentence. Everyone I had known that got cancer died, no one I knew had beat cancer, until me! I was the first one in my family to go to college. I am also the first one in my family to beat cancer! I have accomplished ALOT of firsts in my family and that is not to sing my own praises or toot my own horn. It is to say that I am thankful, I am privileged and favored by God! I love God with all my heart and long to do only His will. He has called me to share all He has done for me. He has given me a testimony to tell many women and this weekend is the begining! He has given me a beautiful, wonderful life starting with my three amazing children and awesome job, great friends and family. Thank you God for Your love and mercy endures forever! We have women arriving in less than 24 hours staggered throughout the day. I am cleaning my house, packing and praying. I know God has brought me to this and now it is finally time to tell my testimony to a few women. Many women are coming......they just don't know it yet. I have been asked to be featured on a program called Courageous Heart. It airs on a Christian television network that reaches over 70% of the world. I am so honored and blessed to be recognized with such an opportunity. This again is an example of favor, surrender, and faith. God told me that I had a testimony to tell many women BEFORE I was diagnosed. He didn't wait until I heard the word cancer to tell me. He told me months before. He knows me. He knows that cancer had taken those I love, He knew I would be scared, fearful and dismayed. He knows me. He knows I would have doubted that voice after the fact and that I needed that affirmation moments after being diagnosed too. He knows me. Thank you Lord that you know every intricate detail of my life and you love me anyway. You are my strong tower.

The ZONE

The month of July has significance due to the fact that it was two years ago this month that I was diagnosed. I am amazed that it has only been two years since that day. It would seem that I have lived two lifetimes since then, in fact I have. Before that day I was a selfish person that didn't always look outside of herself or immediate family for anything. Actually I had a false sense of security and very much lived in a fantasy world. I gave to my church, I helped others when asked, I took care of my own and that was REALLY it. Everything I felt I needed, I had at home in my children and family. I was way too comfortable and frankly just a fan of Jesus Christ, not a follower. That day two years ago in July when I got the dreaded phone call no one wants to get my life changed, turned upside down, shook up and spinning out of control or so I thought. I know that there will be some backlash from other survivors that feel that their life before cancer was superior to now with the effects of treatment, financial impact, family and relationship issues that manifest BUT my life is SO much better now than before cancer. Yes, menopause sucks, the surgeries and foobs suck, the medications and side effects suck! But I am alive! I am thankful and as crazy as it sounds I am thankful for the storm that was cancer. It changed my life! I wasn't really living the width of my life, only the path to the end. I needed to be shook up, I needed to look outside myself, my home, my community, my little world. Cancer was rough, but living the rest of my life comfortable and without that storm would have been a tragedy. I know that God has been growing me up really fast through this experience and the ones that followed. I can feel the call on my life become greater with each step and each obstacle. If I am obedient the first round we move forward, if I am dragging my feet, kicking and screaming we stand still. This is the rythm of my life and walk as a follower of Jesus Christ, all brought to you by cancer. Please don't mistake my candidness as an endorsement of cancer, in fact, I HATE cancer and what it does to the body as well as the spirit of all that it touches. I do know that it doesn't have to, as non compassionate as this sounds it is a choice. The choice occurs from the moment everything comes back into focus and the "I have cancer" fog lifts. Dr.Lehr referred to it as "The Zone". I haven't given him the credit or maybe even told him in much detail how powerful his words were, but now is as good a time as any. Dr.Lehr began treating me immediately after we received the mammogram results without a payor source, I had no insurance at the time. He was young and compassionate, had a wonderful team that included his wife, a nurse and father in law as partner. Anyway, we did the biopsy that confirmed the cancer, we immediately did the lumpectomy and node discetion that revealed cancer had invaded the lympnode x3. Until that day I thought Dr.Lehr was a great doc, but until we are about to head into the FIRST surgery of my life, he asked if he could pray....Now, he was a follower of Christ. I was in the right place! I also want to say that I had not REALLY accepted it, until they wheeled me down that day. In my already groggy state I saw the nurse carrying the clipboard with my name with the diagnosis of L breast cancer. Wow, how could I have cancer? I woke to Dr.Lehr explaining the findings, he said it was a golf ball size tumor and he cut wayyyyy around it to ensure clear margins, which he did. But he also said to me....." You don't have cancer anymore, I cut it out of you". I have stood on that since that day. Those words came from the GREAT physician via my physician. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Dr. Lehr, thank you for being you:) Love you guys! After the confirmation of lymphnode involvement chemo was a must, not an option. We came back to the drawing board and I knew I wanted to do the double mastectomy. He asked when I said ASAP. He said lets do it Monday I think this was a Thursday or Friday even....he said "Let's do this, your in the zone". Yes I was. I have been in the "zone" since. Kicking cancer out and never looking back! Praise God! I want every survivor of breast, as well as other cancers, ailments and just tough circumstances to do the same. This philisophy is what Team Pink Princess is all about. Cancer touched my life and that is it! It is done, it is finished. I don't have to keep dwelling on it, thinking about it, worrying about if it will come back. One, I am standing on the promise and power of the cross for divine healing that lasts forever. Two, I cannot add one day or minute or second to my life by worrying about it, in fact it is really bad for me! So, what to do?! I'll tell you what....believe God for my socks, let the love of Christ flow through me and my life that it might be pleasing to Him AND never look back. The Bible says in Joshua 1:2 "Moses my servant is dead, now then You and all these people get ready to cross the Jordan River." God wants us to keep our eyes fixed on him, not our circumstances, obstacles or our past, no matter how hard or painful it may be. Whether it is sin, disease, rough times the death of a loved one whatever it is, we MUST keep moving forward! We cannot get stuck in the past, the disease, the junk of this world. We must keep our gaze upon Him and eternity. We must live our life in "The Zone".

Team Pink Princess Retreat 2012

Heather Edwards Angst, Developer and Director of TEAM PINK PRINCESS, has a heart for helping breast cancer survivors move beyond diagnosis and treatment to find more fulfilling life in the present and for the future. A breast cancer survivor herself, Heather is developing TEAM PINK PRINCESS Retreats around the nation, starting right here near her home town of Lebanon, Missouri. Her desire is to ‘Knock Out Cancer’ and to offer encouragement, hope, and fabulous experiences in spectacular settings for breast cancer survivors and their families. We are looking for support for TEAM PINK PRINCESS. Would you like to join us? COSTS: SURVIVORS AND FAMILIES - $275.00/ PERSON (SPACE IS LIMITED ~ RESERVATIONS REQUIRED) We will be lodging in a beautiful rustic cabin at NRO Campground, located in the heart of Missouri, just off the Niangua River. The package includes: Accommodations for two days/nights stay * Meals * Ministry * Floating * Zip Lining * The Pink Princess Pamper Hour * TPP Bracelet Class * T-Shirt & Flip Flops! AVAILABLE TO THE PUBLIC ON SUNDAY ONLY!!! $75.00/Person RESERVATIONS REQUIRED Join the Survivors for a day of Zip Lining, Lunch or Dinner and Ministry! Help Us Do This!!! Order your Team Pink Princess T-shirt for a $20 donation! Guest Speaker: Vicky R. Adkins, Founder of Freedom in Jesus Christ Charitable Trust, Founder and Director of Jewels In The Mud, and ½ of the duo, Cool Breeze. Vicky is an author, singer/songwriter, recording artist and ordained minister. She currently has two published books, ONLY BELIEVE and UNSHAKABLE FAITH, and several cd projects which will be available for purchase at the Retreat. For more info, contact Heather at 816.645.1654 or email: heatherangst@yahoo.com. Tax deductible financial donations of any amount may be made to FREEDOM IN JESUS CHRIST CHARITABLE TRUST. Write TEAM PINK PRINCESS in the memo line of your check or money order and we will make sure you receive a donation receipt. Mail to FIJC Charitable Trust, c/o Vicky Adkins, 920 W. 27th St. S., Independence, MO 64052. No amount is too small…or too large! Thank you in advance for your support!

Team Pink Princess

Team Pink Princess is in full effect. I am so excited about all the recent revelations regarding it's mission, purpose, plans and events. I have been given the opportunity through breast cancer to expand my territory for the Kingdom though many avenues and Team Pink Princess may just be the largest. I have wrestled with the mission, the outreach, the purpose of Team Pink Princess for months. I apologize for the lag time, God's timing and mine aren't always in sync. Now it is time to reveal the plans, the purpose, the mission for Team Pink Princess and what you can do to help, support and or participate in. Are you ready? Let's do this!!!! Team Pink Princess is a multi fauceted organization that will be hosting retreats for breast cancer survivors. The premise of Team Pink Princess is different from many other breast cancer organizations. The mission for the organization is to help survivors move past and beyond breast cancer. It's mission is to provide healing and restoration to those either fighting the disease or emerging from it. After cancer we need emotional, as well as physical healing, to move past the disease. Cancer has been the largest challenge of my life and I am so blessed and thankful that God chose me to kick off this journey. I know this is what He meant that day when He said...."This is your testimony and you will tell a lot of women." Team Pink Princess, at this time will begin hosting weekend retreats starting this summer. I am working with several camp grounds in Missouri that have the capacity to hold LOTS of women. I am hammering out all of the details in the upcoming weeks, but plans are firming up quickly and I believe by the 1st of June I will have some dates, agendas and pricing. The retreats will host speakers, authors and someday soon high profile survivors. Remember we are in the infancy stage. All I know is that God has revealed tiny pieces of what this is for months and in the last week the curtain is coming up! Retreats include canoeing, zip lining, fishing and even possibly hunting. They will include ministry specific to moving past breast cancer and other challenges in life. The premise is to get away for a weekend with other survivors, be inspired by the outdoors, face some fear with some physical challenges such as zip lining. I am terrified of heights but if we can kick cancers butt....we can zip line. Who's with me? Before cancer I was afraid of many things heights, bridges, planes....after cancer I say bring on the challenges! I am no longer afraid! I am no longer paralyzed by cancer either or the fear of it. I refuse to give cancer any power over me. I refuse to let cancer " define me". Love you Dara:) And neither should you! Team Pink princess will emerge soon with a website clean ore clear cut objectives, goals, and also opportunities for those that want to donate time, money and efforts. I hope that you will think about your role in the organization. If God tugs at your heart to either donate a scholarship for a survivor, to attend a retreat or maybe volunteer to help with a canoe or hunting trip please let me know. There will be many opportunities to support Team Pink Princess so please continue to lift me and this organization up in prayer that God would lead us in the way He would have it function. Also, I have no idea about the inner workings of an organization such as this, whether to be for profit, not for profit etc. Any legal advise as well as accounting would be greatly appreciated!!! I love you all and thank you for supporting me through and past this journey. Now it's time we start helping some other Pink Princesses. Go Team Pink Princess!!!! Let's do this!!!!

It's not about me.

 I am not sure if this is the first time you have happened on my blog or if you have been a follower through the whole journey but either way thank you for stopping. Here is a little recap of what has been going on in my life since my 2010 diagnosis. First things first....Prior to me finding out I had cancer I asked God to almost daily enlarge my territory for the Kingdom. I had actually forgot about that until recently. During that period I got divorced, got involved in a less than Godly relationship and had a child. Six months after giving birth, while breast feeding my son I discovered the dent. I was diagnosised at 35 with invasive ductal carcinoma. I was devastated. My life was already out of the will of God and submerged in sin and I knew it, now cancer. 4 surgeries, 5 months of chemotherapy, 33 radiation treatments and life long hormone suppression were to follow.  I only told you this to tell you that although I came to Christ at a young age, went to church off and on throughout my life I had no relationship. I would get on fire for God and then walk away. I will tell you that none of those experiences compare to the relationship I have with Christ now. I had been taught about the love of God and the fear of God especially if when He returned I was dancing or at a movie theater. I was raised in religion, not relationship. And I had picked up some relationship along the way not on my own, I believe it was all God and Holy Spirit penetrating my heart for the call on my life later. God knew I would never be ready at the rate I was going, spiritual maturity....what was that?  Fast forward to the storm before the storm, God had already told me that I had a testimony and I was going to tell a lot of women before I was diagnosed. I wondered what about my messed up life could God use to help other women. Then within five minutes after the fateful phone call God spoke to me again saying the same words. In a tiny bathroom while I sat on the toilet crying, wondering how and who would care for my children if I died God spoke again, just as He had about 6 or 8 months prior. I knew now what He meant. I still didn't see that this would expand my territory as I had asked Him to do time and time again.  Through cancer, through tough things, through loss God reveals His power and presence if we let Him. For some it doesn't take a trial, a loss, a cancer to get them to seek God's face but for folks like me it takes a 2x4. In that physically and mentally weakened state I found out who God really was, not because I was scared to die but because He though cancer got my full attention. I developed a relationship with Him. I continue to learn daily again, I am a work in progress. I can go through the list for you, but if I could sum it all up it would be that God is my first love, my passion, my heart, my everything!  Most of what I knew about the Bible and God I learned in church as a child. So, as an adult woman I began to read His word, talk to Him about everything and I mean everything. There is NO subject taboo from my God. He is my father and all that means. He has taught me not to limit our relationship by taking Him out when I have a need and put Him up when things are good again. That is how our relaionship had been much of my life, oh how I had shortchanged Him and myself. My life now is much different. My relationship with God is the center of my life, everything else is just icing on the cake. My family and children The BEST, my job...I love, my ministry serving women and God is awesome, the territory God has expanded for Him through cancer is amazing but NOTHING compares to Him. I find that all of these things, the people even are gifts from Him to me.   God knew I was going to get cancer, he didn't cause it but everything in my life passes through His hands. So He knew it, He allowed it for His purpose and my life's purpose. So can I be bitter or angry at Him? No, in fact He allowed something bad to change me for His work. He gave me territory for work and "mine" for Him, not in the way I wanted. I wanted to serve the poor at a soup kitchen, teach Sunday school, anything but cancer !!!! How could that get me to where I wanted to go?  Again, NOT about me.  As many of you know I read The Purpose Driven Life and it addresses God's plan and purpose for our life. The entire premise of this book to me can be summed up in four words.....it's not about me. God's plan, God's purpose will prevail over our desire, our will, our life. The sooner we see that we can't control anything, the easier it becomes to be obedient to the one who does!!!!!!! Can i get an Amen!!!!!! I have to go back to today's post now that I have taken you through the long way around....just like me always.    Anyway, today on Facebook I posted a status that read.....Be obedient to God and His favor will be so great that you won't be able to contain all the blessings in your life. Amen. Sign me up!!!!! This sparked some debate about what some would see as "Prosperity gospel". I had not heard that term before, but got the just of it. Some thought that I was referring to possessions or not possessions, but just that I was preaching something like....If you walk with God everything will be rosy and you will have no worries? I think based upon responses that was some of the comments and the other was that being I shouldn't just be in a relationship with God for what I could "get" out of it. Well, I had to work today and didn't get to reply but the conversation went on and on very respectfully but with definite differences in opinions or interpretations of what the Word says.   Remember you are reading a post from a 36 year old women than believes ALL of the Bible. She still has that child like faith that takes her to the throne for ALL the anwsers in this life. She believes the signs and miracles for today not just in the old testament. She knows He is still doing miracles because she has seen them first hand. She believes He is her healer, her deliver, Her Savior, her father, her bridegroom, her strong tower, her protector, her KING! She worships and talks to Him all thought the day, not always asking Him for things but praising Him for all He is and all He has done! Does this girl believe He died for her sin, yep. Her healing, yep. Her place in eternity, yep.  So, this girl that wants ONLY the will of God in her life so badly that it trumps her own needs and desires, for the most part, Keep in mind she is human. She wanted a new car, her old one is a clunker and has no air conditioning but her prayer was God if it isn't ur will don't let it happen and at the last minute the interest rate becomes 22%. So she walks from the car. This girl wants a husband, but not just any husband. She wants and waits for a Godly man. One that has kids, doesn't want more kids, doesn't smoke and LOVES the water. This is just the short list of course.... My point is that I trust God for my socks.  Do I believe that I gain favor or blessings by being obedient? You bet I do. All things come together for good to those that love the Lord. How many of you tithe? If you tithe you know the sacrifice you make giving that portion to God that you could use for other things or just to pay bills or buy groceries with? Even though it is ALL God's money anyway, but you know what I mean. Are there times when you tithe knowing that if you do you won't be able to pay this bill or that? Have you ever when obeying God with your tithes and offering been hungry or had the lights shut out? I haven't. My obedience to God is honored by Him by the way He takes care of my needs. He knows when I am obedient and it hurts my flesh yet I still do it. He knows what we go through, He was tempted with it all. My obedience to God is not out of fear as it was growing up stuck in religion and not in relationship. My obedience nowadays is because I am so thankful for the relationship I have with my father. He is the BOMB!    The relationship I have when we talk and I worship him for who He is and what He did for all of us. It is not about me, it is about Him. So, now that we know that my spiritual relationship while still young and fresh is not perfect, is pure. I don't have a relationship with God for what I can get from Him, BUT how can you have a relationship with God and not talk about all He has done for you. How He has enriched your life to the point that you can't contain it! You want to tell everyone about it. And you want them to know how good He is and how easy it is to come to Him and leave that broken life behind. How awesome it is to know that He cares so much about us that he takes care of every need we may have and then some if we are obedient to Him and keep His commands.  Does that mean that living a Godly, Holy life should look like a poverished life, a downtrodden life, a less than everything He died to give me life.....NOPE! Does that mean possesions, for some people yes. Does that mean a large ministry, for some people yes. Does that mean joy unspeakable and full of glory attitude for all that are His children? The anwser should be YES!!! With or without STUFF! Does living a life with God in the cockpit ensure that you won't have a rough ride? Nope, but it does mean that anything and everything that happens good and bad He knew about and allowed. I know my part is this alone is to "Keep your eyes fixed on me, Heather. You are not a statistic. Don't look at this or that, just keep your eyes on Me." Love, Jesus.

How much do you trust me?

    Wow....what can I say about the last few weeks, but they have been HARD!!!! I really can't describe the intense fear I have battled, except to say that the last time I felt this out of control was when I awaited the phone call from the biopsy. That paralyzing fear is straight from the pit of hell! I know I am a follower of Christ and that I believe EVERYTHING in this Bible cover to cover. So, why when faced with a scan or test do I become fearful? It is human, it is natural, it is FLESH! I die to my flesh in every area daily as any christian does. It is a choice and I have really been fighting the good fight in every area of my life when it comes to sin, far from perfect, but have rid my life from much bondage and sin recently. Still a work in progress folks......!
   Since diagnosis I have cringed at the thought of the cancer returning. It had consumed a small area of my life that I try to keep in check until the next doctor appointment or symptom of this or that, it continued to grow larger and larger and always seemed to be the elephant in the room. When planning events such as buying a new car, moving to a house, thinking to the future at all, it was there.....hanging around. I allowed it! I know God's will for my life and know the words He has spoken into my life and over me, I believe them with every fiber in my body. RIGHT?! But the enemy says....What if I didn't hear Him right? What if it was just wishful thinking? Don't get me wrong I believe that salvation, healing, restoration and everything else GOOD comes from God and works in the lives of others everyday. No problems there, but when it is you in the hot seat...what do you believe? How much do you trust me, Heather?
  Total dependence on God has been...well, let's just say....not exactly my strong suite. I believe it 100 percent, but this type A still wants control....HA!!! I laugh, but the struggle is REAL folks and many of you reading can relate. So, having cancer MADE me become dependant on Him and I still have remained that way to a certain degree. I do have some periods of grander when I think I can do anything apart from Him. Oh, how hard headed I must be. He is the vine and I am the branches, I cannot do anything apart from Him.....ahhhh haaaaa!
  Recently God revealed to me about a time many years ago when I was married and still living in Lebanon I bought a devotional book on The Prayer of Jabez. This book was amazing and I began to ask God to expand my territory like Jabez. I had no idea how that would happen but I knew I wanted to minister to others about the Love of Christ. I was still a mess and my life would become even more so in the years to come, but I had asked God to expand my territory not knowing what or how He would do that. Fast forward to the fall before I got diagnosed, I was in turmoil in my personal life living out of the will of God and in sin. I cried out to God and asked him to help me. I sought out help from my pastors wife and told her that God had told me that I had a testimony and that I was going to tell a lot of women and I had no idea what that would be about except what a mess up and failure I was, but never cancer. As many of you know, within fifteen minutes of getting the results of my biopsy the Lord spoke to me again telling me this was my testimony and I was going to tell a lot of women. So, I knew that I would live to beat cancer. I didn't know how cancer would impact my walk with Christ or how it would prepare me for the next level God wanted to take me to.
  Few people know that I battled panic attacks for years. I refused the medications and just began forcing myself to do things I was fearful of, except flying but it is coming soon. I was scared to drive on the highway at times, I thought I was going to die every single day of some random ailment. I had everything and NOTHING!! So, when cancer came knocking it was the most dreaded, fearful experience of my life. But I did it! I had four surgeries, five months of chemo, thirty three radiation treatments, chemical induced menopause. UGH!!!! Must I go on......! Anyway, I faced down that fear of dying and knew that I could do anything as long as I was allowed to live. And here we go again....another test "looking" for cancer and I have been shaken. Look what happened last time? Right?
    First let me say that I have been loving my life most recently and feeling like for a while now that I am in the will of God. I am believing Him for everything and knowing that He will provide. He has been growing my faith in Him through situation after situation. It hasn't been easy, baby steps is how I would describe it. God gave me a vision of myself being dragged through the grocery store and I am kicking and screaming like a 2 year old and thus is the story of my life recently. I have been growing up so fast in every area of my life in preparation for the Jewels in the Mud ministry, as well as team Pink Princess. Thank You God, I know you mean it all for good but it is SOOOOO hard! So, this pet scan is again the ONE area, my soft spot, that the enemy has held over my head since diagnosis to keep me bound, keep me worried, steal my joy and peace. BUT....not anymore!!!!!!
  God died on the cross for my sin, therefore I am saved. No brainer!  I ask Him to forgive me and He does and I am thankful! He also died for my sickness and disease, His body was broken that I might be healed. I believe that people get healed everyday, I believe that through faith, just like the kind that I have for salvation. I believe that for me too, Praise God!!!!! I also believe that God rose again and that death also has NO power over me, when I die I will be in heaven with Jesus forever and ever. I just don't wanna go now. I have a lot to live for....three beautiful children, a job I love.... finally, so many beautiful things happening in my life through Jewels in the Mud and Team Pink Princess to follow. My testimony, my story is JUST about to be told to "A LOT of women". So, is cancer the will of God for my life? I don't think so!
  While waiting for the results of the pet scan I have been counseled and prayed for by many loving people that have encouraged, uplifted me. Thank you all! Vicky especailly, you have rocked this like NO OTHER!!! You all have had a hand in my peace, my strength and my walk through this storm. I love you all! Today at church I went up for the second time since the storm began to get prayed for by a couple on the prayer team. She told me that during the service she saw someone in a storm...big or huge I think is the words she said....and they were clinging to the cross. She then says she believes it is me. Now I am scared!!!! She prays and afterward she tells me that God says for me to fix my eyes on Him, which He has told me before and also to be still.....be still is not news to me...he has been telling me that for years now...I must learn to listen! And that I will be delivered from this storm! Her husband then looks at me and says in God's timing and also to keep doing what I am doing. Praise God!
   I believe I am in the storm already, maybe there is a bigger one on the horizon I don't know, but God does! So, immediately the enemy says....yep...it's the cancer. It's back! Well, I have not received the pet scan results yet and I do know that the devil is a LIAR  and ONLY comes to kill, steal and destroy. I refuse to believe ONE word he says. He has had me trapped in fear of the unknown since diagnosis, no more. Fear is no longer an option.
  God has already told me through someone else not to believe the doctors report, whether that is for the last report that prompted the scan or any report including the scan I don't know. It is really irrelevant. I don't know what the scan says, but whatever it is I know that God already knew and has spoken through others that I will be delivered. I will either be delivered of the fear the enemy has held over my head through a clean scan report or I will be reminded once again that God is bigger than the storm and that He is and will always be my DELIVERER and all I have to do is just fix my eyes on him and keep doing what I am doing and He will work out the rest! Praise God!

  As I lay in the pet scan tube Wednesday for over a half hour I prayed out loud to the Lord. I spoke His name hundreds of times describing Him as my father, my savior, my strong tower, my friend, my strength, my redeemer, my healer, my life, my love, my everything! I don't know what storm is coming or if I am in it right now, but I am approaching the water with the faith and knowledge that my best friend, my savior, my father calms the storm and walks on the water. He will deliver me!

                                          My Deliverer http://youtu.be/EIWm13zeyTs

  

All eyes are on you Lord

     Wow, what a difference a month or two make.....time heals all wounds. I believe that is partially true, but God has helped me heal a great deal almost overnight because I BEGGED him to. No, seriously I did at one point I didn't think I was gonna make it my heart hurt so badly. Broken hearts are God's specialty and I needed a lot of healing. I won't go into where I was in my life, but it was a dead end. The end.

   I have always loved romantic movies and I longed for my life to be a fairytale, like in the Notebook. What a crock of crap that movie is right? I know, it is one of my favorites. But I did believe that "Love" was everything, having that "so in love feeling" was pretty high on my priority list. I did love the idea of being in love for sure, but more than that I was co dependant. UGH! Did I say that out loud? Yep, I am Heather and for 36 years, I have been in love with being " in love". I watched Celebrity Rehab and have only identified with one celeb...Yep, Rachel Uchitel , the laughing stock of the rehab center. Rachel was also addicted to

"LOVE" and we all know where that got her and Tiger Woods. My story kinda similar, but without the money.

   Anyway, I had to face the fact that this was where I was and where did I go from there? I started back to the beginning....everything begins in HIM. Yep, my best friend JESUS. I asked him to help me, guide me, love me, provide for me....anything I needed I asked Him for. He has been providing all of my needs and growing me up super fast. I have been a baby christian most of my life....what about me....look at me.... help me!!! ME, ME, ME!!! WOW, I know He knows my frame and that I am just dust, but WOW! I know He shakes His head at me several times a day just like my earthly father does. I have to give Him props for saving, sabotaging, thwarting, blowing up any potential problem I cause or get into. I don't remember having this much grace provided to me or maybe I just was to immature to see the plan. He has swiped away many of the things that I thought I NEEDED to feel secure. Money for instance, gone.....How much do you trust me Heather? WOW....that one was TOUGH! But in that I am learning that if I am unable to trust him for this or that and have to figure something out apart from Him I am really not trusting His plan or Him at all!!!! See, I am growing up! Not sure if I have made it to the two year old room but I am on my way:)

    I have been struggling with a mission statement and content for my Team Pink Princess website. I know that I am still impacting other survivors each day in my job, church, facebook but I really wanted to start my own outreach through the website. I wanted it to have links to events, workshops, products and be filled with followers that were dealing with the same issues. I can only tell you my vision was for a "ROCK STAR" line of merchandise for breast cancer survivors and supporters. This was NOT going to be your grandma's breast cancer site. There are so many young women facing this disease and the challenges of it. I wanted to EMPOWER them! I still do but never came up with THE PERFECT mission, business plan and or website content. I am still pursuing it just not hard core. It is still coming soon.

    But since settling into my new job which I absolutely LOVE, I reconnected with my friend, confidant, and life coach, Mrs.Vicky Adkins. She is a beautiful christian that has a testimony that will knock your socks off. She also sings like an angel which I seem to forget because she is so full of GOD that I just soak her up like a sponge and never ask her to sing for me. She and I had a chance meeting last year and have kept in touch off and on, but the first meeting I has with her changed my life forever. The words she spoke into my life that day was a turning point. But like everything in the world that is HEATHER it took me almost another 6 months to figure it out. Again Jesus with the eye roll:) She said that God told her to be so transparent about her life, past, future, feelings, everything, that when people saw her they would only see HIM. WOW, that was amazing! I am the first born, daddy's little girl, center of the universe girl. How could someone change the way they look, dress, talk, walk, everything to be so transparent people would only see GOD? How would that work?

   Well, I will be the first to tell you that it doesn't come easy but after learning just a year prior through cancer and it's superficial train robbery of my womanhood it was easier than I thought. It is a gradual progression. I had been hit below the belt when cancer knocked on my door. Everything I viewed as beautiful was ripped away. I was bald, flat chested and bloated from the steroids. I was outwardly ugly in my book but inside I had changed so much I was so caught up in God and stronger than ever before. But still transparent? I was just about to get my boobs back, my hair back. I was ready to EMBRACE that womanhood again with a thankfulness I hadn't had before, of course.

  I have bleached, colored, cut and bleached, colored and cut again and still had about the same length of hair I had 6 most post treatment. I was still wearing wigs, they are...were my security blanket. They make me feel BEAUTIFUL! I know silly, it is just faux hair. Hey we all have our vice and mine is synthetic hair! So, in walks Vicky to my life we catch up in 3.2 seconds and then we start talking shop about my website my plans or lack of plans when she tells me what God has placed on her heart. Jewels in the Mud was born.

    Jewels in the Mud....there is definitely some symbolism there huh? I was still in the MUD! I was climbing out but still had one foot in, scared to step out totally in faith and let go and let God! I said I am on board...anything to get my story out to other women hurt and broken from this disease. I was ready, and then I was not....Really? Am I good enough to minister or help or share with others? I am still dealing with X,Y and Z! I want to but God are you sure? Yes, Heather....I know you and I know that you are just dust. I made you. Okay....and you want me to tell them everything? Transparent is see through, crystal clear, no smoke and mirrors, no wigs....NO WIGS! But Vicky...did God really mean NO WIGS! UGH!!!!!!!! God are you you sure?

   As the weeks past and the few meetings have come and gone God has been working on me it would seem in every area of my life...testing me, trying me and I have failed more than once I tell ya. But his grace has been sufficient and his mercy is new each day. I have been fighting a battle on every front I feel that any one of these fights just weeks prior would have towered me and now I am in this battle where I am fighting 5 or 6 things...I swear I am not exaggerating! and yet I am still here! God is so good! But with these battles raging in me and Vicky whom is leading this venture, as well as our third spoke Shelly, we know that God has something in store that is HUGE!The enemy is MAD and trying everything to destroy it. I am so excited ! I have reached out to a few "jewels" that God has placed in my life to join me in this venture ministering God's love to the hurting. I can't wait to see this group multiply in other areas of the city as well as the state and maybe someday the nation.

     Back to the whole addicted to LOVE...I talked to Vicky very candidly about my relationships and my need to be "IN LOVE". At the first meeting of Jewels in the Mud she presented me with a ring on my left hand that God had told her to give me and told me that He was my bridegroom. I wept. God couldn't use me for his purpose if I was drowning in another person only in the oneness could He show me what I needed to know. He is preparing me for his purpose and for that journey I must have all eyes on Him.

                                                            All eyes are on you Lord!

                                                        http://youtu.be/P8du_xWWt8E

I'm SEXY and I KNOW it!

     I usually always write about deep feelings and subjects that have been happening in my life since cancer and tonight is no exception. Tonight I am feeling A LOT better about my life and the direction it is heading. I am a child of the KING, even when circumstances seem bleak, desolate, destitute, I am blessed and favored.  I am also HUMAN and fall prey to the worries, wonders and what if''s and last week I was REALLY struggling. I hadn't found a job or decided what I was doing with my personal life. My whole life got JACKED! But this is a NEW week and I have been dealt and created much worse circumstances than this and GUESS WHAT? I am still here. Cancer didn't kill me and neither will this. I have a purpose and call on my life to help others and no circumstance, problem, issue is going to get in the way. God just keeps opening doors for me and I go in and jump out the window. WHO does that? I have been so misguided and so foolish! No more!!!!
   I landed a job this last week as the Marketing Director for a long term care facility, praise God! I have been praying so hard for another opportunity to serve others and make some bank! I have been struggling financially and worrying about my insurance situation as I cannot go one day without coverage. My new job not only exceeds my financial expectations by tens of thousands it has excellent insurance. I am soooo blessed.
    I had THE BEST day today with my daughter. Sierra Denae Angst.....the MOST beautiful girl in the world. We went shopping and out to lunch, it was amazing. Who says retail therapy is a fallacy? It is real girls! We laughed and cried about cancer, boys, collage and Christ. I needed her so much! I feel like my old self again, before cancer, before the BULL! It was GREAT! It was the perfect Christmas gift. She has been God's gift to me more than once and today I am blessed. Merry Christmas to me.

    Sierra and I tried on clothes, shoes, dresses for New Years. It was a blast. She complimented me by saying to someone "My mom is such a FOX". I laughed, but it felt good to be called a FOX. My self esteem had been fractured, broken and hurt by certain circumstances and cancer, but NO MORE! I am sexy and I know it!  Last year at Christmas and New Years I was bald, with a concave chest with scars that reached almost entirely across it. This year although I am still wearing my wigs I do have hair and I do have foobs. I can get dressed up in a cute dress even if I have to dab a little concealer on my scars:) At midnight I will KISS this year goodbye and thank God for another.

http://youtu.be/wyx6JDQCslE

Go BIG or Go HOME!

     I have always believed that I live my life as an open book with nothing to hide. I still feel that way. I have made mistakes....MANY, but I feel that my honesty and candid conversation helps and heals me and others.  As I have said many times before, I hope that my life and path either deters others from making the same mistakes or let's them know that they are not alone in their thoughts or problems. This is NOT a "how to" blog people. Life is a lesson and if you keep hiding who and what you are you will never get better, stop making the same mistakes, or move on. You will continue to wander about the wilderness. I say be honest, be true in every area of your life, if you don't your only cheating yourself from a REAL life experience and a REAL chance at happiness. GO BIG or GO HOME!!!

    I have been battling spiritually in a way since coming back to KC. I am about to launch the website which I am super excited about, but daily my routine has been laxed. I like routine and am VERY goal oriented. Since survivorship has begun I have lived each day with a mission and purpose for that particular day. I am living a purpose driven life and lately have been feeling a little lost without a job, routine or service position. I enjoyed serving meals on wheels and really miss that feeling of making a difference in others lives, especially seniors. I am on a mission to get that going here also. Please pray for me in that area and all others. Your prayers have gotten me through each day since diagnosis. I love you all <3.

  I am doing well physically and have been discharged to 9 week oncology visits. WHOOOOOOOO!!!!! I am so happy. God is so good. He has taken me through so much and continues to daily. I am so blessed. I looked at some photos from last years Christmas and I began to cry. I was bald, pale and very frail. I was at the end of the HARDEST part of my treatment, my last dense dose A/C was very, very close. God was really working wonders in my life and although I hated going through it, it has made me STRONG! He has drawn me closer to Him and given my life a purpose and mission. Helping other survivors navigate through this process is so rewarding and encounters in that realm happen almost daily. PRAISE YOU JESUS for your are the author of my life!!!!! What YOU have for me is MORE than I could ever accomplish on my own. Praise God!

     All of our children are all doing well. Brett and I are preparing for Christmas here at the farm. We have around 20 chickens, two cats with a litter on the way, a dog, three kids and grandma here at the farm. We decorated the house with over 6000 lights, I trimmed the tree with all of my favorite red and gold ornaments. It is all so beautiful! We are so excited to spend our first Christmas here. We will be baking our" Happy Birthday Jesus" cake on Christmas that we will not forget the REAL reason for the season. Jesus Christ mommy's healer, redeemer, deliverer, and best friend. Yep, my best friend was born in a manger <3.

  For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost....Luke19:10

Mother, Daughter and Friend

      .

    This morning I was awoke by a voice mail from my brother saying that our aunt by marriage had passed away after a long battle with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She was 52. It is very difficult to lose anyone but after being diagnosed with cancer every time you hear of a  recurrence or death it is a wake up call, like a punch in the stomach that takes you right back to the day you were diagnosed. As awful as that sounds and it really is, it is useful, for me anyway. As the months pass since active treatment you begin to migrate back to normalcy that normal feeling is your ultimate goal, the PRIZE, during chemo. That normal, however, is challenged with each doctor visit, each ache, pain, scan or test. But none like the loss of a fellow survivor. My heart is heavy but I know that God has a plan for me as he did for Diane. I don't know the details but I trust Him. Praise you God for another day to be a mother to my children, a daughter to my mother and father, a sister, granddaughter, cousin and friend. Amen.

    This is a photo of my aunt Diane and her mother at her church in the Northland, she signed for the deaf patrons in her church before diagnosis. This morning she is gazing upon our Saviors face in heaven:)

 

 

 

 The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not  want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Amen

Are you a Pink Princess?

   It has become more and more apparent to me that I have a responsibility to make something good out of the last years heartache and trials. Having said that I have wondered which way God would take me, how He would use me, where I would go and what I would do. I have been dabbling in this and that. I have been approached by some to write forwards on their book, others to speak at events, and as late as this morning to work on a short story for a book collaboration by two other AMAZING survivors. I have been trying to decide on going back to work full time or continue doing the ventures I am pursuing at this time. I have started the process of launching my own website, WOW, what a job that is, it should be up by the first of November. The website and my mission is to unite other survivors, offer support and encouragement as well as have FUN! I love all things girl as many of you know, though this journey strips from you of many things that are PRINCESS! Things I once considered part of my womanhood. I struggled as many of you know with losing my hair, my breasts and my ability to have another child after diagnosis., as well as the thoughts of losing the battle. Cancer isn't for cowards people!!!

 God, fashion, food, antiques, gardening, hunting, food, volunteering, working out, being a mom, food, all of these are things and much much more define who I am, NOT cancer! Did I mention good food? LOL! I want women to come together on my site and network with other young women that are facing the same issues, but choose to THRIVE! I have struggled with pursuing anything that had breast cancer in the name as a career because I wanted cancer to stay in my rear view. It is still in my rear view and some days I embrace it because nothing short of that would have brought about the changes in me. On other days I wish I could wake up and it all have been a BAD DREAM! Well, one thing I can do is continue to keep living, keep busy raising my kids, volunteering and helping others, eating well, exercising and enjoying my life. Everyday is a gift, none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow, with or without cancer. I have been blessed beyond measure despite the obstacles and trials I have been through in the last year. God has supplied every need for me and I want for nothing! I long to serve and edify him every day from here on out.

  Team Pink Princess is my way of moving past cancer, helping and serving others, giving those struggling hope that they too shall get though this!!!! Please continue to follow me and The Team PINK PRINCESS on Facebook and coming soon teampinkprincess.com. I pray with God's help it explodes into a great ministry for those walking this path. Remember with God ALL things are possible!!!!!

   

Team "Pink Princess"

                                                                                  
Why I'm Making Strides

My breast cancer story began July 13, 2010 @ 1:30 in the afternoon. I was at my doctor for my annual check up and had promised my self I would ask her to look at the "dent" I has in my left breast. I had noticed it right before Colt was to be born and thought it was just due to my milk coming in...boy was I wrong. At the appt brought the "dent" to my nurse practitioner's attention, she said I don't think it's anything. She pretty much dismissed it even after she had done my breast exam. It must have not FELT like cancer. I pushed again before she left  for her to look with my arm raised, because it looked different or worse when my arm was up. She again said "Well, there is a "dent" but I don't think it's anything, BUT we will send you for a mammogram just to be sure." WOW....was this happening to me?

    So, got to the imaging center same day, had the mammogram and then they took me to another room to have an ultrasound. I knew it was not good at that point. As the radiologist does the ultrasound he looks at me and says" You have a mass Heather, and I believe it is breast cancer". I was BLOWN away. No family history of breast cancer, in fact I met none of the criteria for having this diagnosis. WOW...what next? 

     Meet Dr. Lehr, surgeon...." Heather, you don't have family history, your young, I believe this is going to be nothing, but let's do the biopsy to be sure".......3 days later "Heather, it's Dr. Lehr......are you sitting down?" ....No, do I need to be? "Yes, you do have breast cancer".....yada yada yada....my world was spinning. Ductal Carcinoma, what is that? WOW...again...how can this be happening? I went to his office the next day with my mom and grams, my "support" team. We discussed the cancer, what it meant and how to treat it? Would I live? Am I going to die? ....I wanted the cancer OUT- gone, I wanted him to take both of my breast that I would NEVER have to deal with this again. He said let's go slow, we can go forward but never back and if we do the double mastectomy you can't go backwards.

    So, I had a lumpectomy, margins clear, no node involvement, but it was invasive. The tumor was 3.2 cm, it was estrogen and progesterone driven or positive and it did not have the her protein that is present in aggressive forms of breast cancer. After the initial path report revealed no node involvement the final one said 2 positive nodes...wow that means CHEMO. Could this get any better? I may lose my boobs which I LOVE and now my hair!!!!! This cannot be happening!!!!! But it was,  I was then given the BRCA test to see if I am at a greater genetic risk for recurrence. If so, recommendations were to have a double mastectomy to reduce the risk. The BRCA test results came back MAYBE...wow...1 of 10 people in the WORLD to have this particular mutation, still trying to find out the significance of it. Still recommendations from 2 oncologists and my surgeon, double mastectomy to reduce risk, as each year it would climb 0.5% plus my 10 to 20% chance of recurrence just having been DX previously. So, decided to have the double mastectomy to ensure a better survival rate and less chance of recurrence. WOW is this hard!!!!!!

     I am a woman BECAUSE I have boobs rite? What does it mean if I don't have any?  Struggling but muddling through, all the while weaning our son in 3 days. It was very difficult for me and I thought would be devastating to the little man cause he was a boob guy for sure, but he transitioned beautifully. Still everything else was haywire, I was trying to be strong, praying and believing that God would change this outcome and move for me to get me out of this nightmare.  Then it happened God stepped in at my weakest moment and took my hand and said, "This is your testimony and you will tell a lot of women your story". WOW, it is starting to make sense now,  I hadn't revealed this to anyone but God had told me this last fall and I knew the second time I heard it what it really meant. I was going to live and beat breast cancer so that I might share my story with others. I CAN do this, no matter what I am going to come through this.

    August 23, 2010 I had a bilateral mastectomy clear margins and one more positive node, that means Stage2 B. WOW....I had not asked any Dr at that point what stage as when you hear the word cancer you assume stage 4 and death, or at least I did. Months of chemo, surgery and radiation would follow, before the sun would come out again. Today I am done with all treatment with the exception of my Femara to block any stray estrogen. I am doing beautifully, to GOD be the glory. Cancer is NOT a death sentence and for me was just the beginning of the rest of my beautiful life. 

    I AM THE FACE OF BREAST CANCER. October is breast cancer awareness month, I want to urge all women to ask your doctor to test your for the BRACA gene and see what your risk is...even if you have no family history, if you test positive your chance of developing breast cancer before the age of 60 is 80- 85%. Please be proactive with your health and press and push your doctors to do more tests if your body is telling you something different. My tumor based on size and grade had been growing 5-7 years, that means I was 27 -29 years old when it began . I would NOT, based on the current policies and recommendations, had a mammogram until 40 and by then it could have been too late.

Please Read my story from diagnosis through today at www.heathersknockingoutcancer.blogspot.com/

Why am I walking?

Because I know that I will make a difference. I know that by raising funds and walking in my Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event, I will help the American Cancer Society continue to save lives from breast cancer ? and create a world with less breast cancer and more birthdays. How do they do it? Every day, the Society is helping people stay well by helping them take steps to reduce their risk of breast cancer or find it early, when it is easiest to treat; helping people get well with information, day-to-day help, and emotional support to guide them through every step of a breast cancer experience; by finding cures and promising new treatments through funding and conducting research; and by fighting back by working with lawmakers to help all women get access to screenings and care. 

I believe that one day, breast cancer will never steal another year from anyone's life ? and we will live in a world with less breast cancer and more birthdays. That's why I'm walking. Not only is this my opportunity to join my community to fight back against breast cancer, but it is also a way to inspire hope by raising funds and awareness to help those facing the disease.

And you can be a part of it, too. 

I have signed up to walk and raise funds to support the American Cancer Society's efforts to fight breast cancer. I hope you will join my team or make a donation in support of my participation. Together, we can make strides to end breast cancer!

To sponsor me and my team for the walk in Springfield, MO on October 15th @ Jordan Valley Park. Please follow the link below to donate.

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?px=23192531&pg=personal&fr_id=36159

Thanks again for all of your prayers and support. I am FOREVER grateful!!!!